


Imagine Knowing Me

by nearlylauura



Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, The Academy Is...
Genre: AU, Agricultural College, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-30
Updated: 2012-10-30
Packaged: 2017-11-17 09:10:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/549943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nearlylauura/pseuds/nearlylauura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'He doesn’t really have visitors so.’ Spencer replies, concentrating on pawing his pitchfork through the soil and disposing of any unearthed rocks with a flick of his wrist.<br/>‘Why not?’<br/>‘Because, it’s just. Well. He’s Ryan. He’s, yeah.’</p>
<p>Brendon thinks completing his Experience Project is going to be a breeze and he'll be out of Agricultural College before he knows it but then he meets a certain mysterious and reclusive Ryan Ross and suddenly begging his best friend for coffee isn't the most important thing in his life anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Imagine Knowing Me

‘For all those of you who haven’t yet done their Experience Project, there is one last opportunity available during the next month of term. Yes, the project is mandatory, so yes, this is the last option you have. And this includes you, Urie.’

Brendon startles at the sound of his name. He has been too preoccupied drawing flowers on Gabe’s arms to pay attention to Mr Stump’s lecture on the ideal sowing patterns for root vegetables. It is 2 months before Brendon can finally graduate from Hurley Agricultural College and start up that landscaping business he had been planning for forever with Gabe.

However, in order to pass the course, he has to complete an ‘Experience Project’, which is basically doing work in somebody’s garden or farm or whatever off campus. But Brendon has been too wrapped up in planning his new business that he hasn’t made the time or effort to complete that particular project. It is manual labour and it would take effort meaning less time for himself. But it has to be done.

Gabe rolls his eyes at Brendon with a cheery smile. He’s in a similar position, although he hadn’t spent his time planning the business (because Brendon wouldn’t let his inferior mind anywhere near the paperwork in case they ended up with a name like ‘The Cobra Crew’) but rather out partying or getting high and playing videogames.

‘So the information you’ll need is at the front here. The project starts tomorrow and it counts towards 40% of your grade.’ Mr Stump says, shooting a pointed look at Brendon and Gabe, who just sends him a toothy grin in return.

‘Sucks to be us right now, ey?’ Gabe says, wiggling his eyebrows and aiming a pointed elbow to Brendon’s side. He rubs the sore spot as he gathers up his belongings, shoving them haphazardly into his backpack.

‘I’ll just drag Pete into it. He can’t resist some good, old fashioned hard work.’ Brendon says with a smile before bumping shoulders with Gabe. ‘Coffee?’

‘Mm, please.’ They head down through the rows of seats and each grab a sheet from the front under Mr Stump’s careful gaze before heading out through the door.

\- - -

‘You guys are late. How dare you.’ Pete says with a fake glare as Brendon and Gabe slide into their seats around him. It’s their usual Starbucks table for their usual post-lecture coffee break.

‘The line was long.’ Gabe says with a dismissive wave of the hand.

‘Bullshit, I could see the line.’

‘Well we’re not as late as Jon apparently.’ Brendon says, propping his feet up on the couch next to him, usually occupied by his best friend, and taking a sip of his cappuccino before settling back into the seat and listening to Pete and Gabe’s quarrelling begin.

After a few minutes of waiting for Jon to emerge from the back, the door opens and a man with long brown hair and a trim beard pads in slightly wet from the drizzle outside. He walks over to the counter and makes his order to a girl with blonde hair and pretty eyes. He remembers her name is Keltie from when she had tried flirting with him only to discover that he wasn’t into that. And by that, he meant girls.

Only now does Jon appear from the back, scratching his beard absently with a wide grin on his face. He walks over to the man who just arrived. This must be Spencer. Jon talks about Spencer sometimes. They start up a conversation during which Jon rests his elbow on the counter and his chin in his hand while Spencer leans against the counter with his hip cocked out, getting ever close together.

Jon laughs with a wide smile and Spencer scratches his neck nervously. Brendon rolls his eyes. Jon has always been too good at flirting.

Jon stands up abruptly when the girl returns with Spencer’s drink and he sends him a shy smile before Spencer turns around and heads for an unoccupied table.

Brendon beckons Jon over by kneeling on the couch and waving frantically before he takes his feat down from the couch, leaving space for his friend who then flops down next to him with a sigh.

‘So how was Spencer?’ Brendon asks, wiggling his eyebrows but Jon doesn’t see it because his arm is stretched over his face, only just covering the slight downturn of his mouth. His ridiculous Starbucks apron has scrunched up around his middle and his jeans are upturned at the bottom, just how he always wears them.

‘I don’t even know.’ Jon replies, voice slightly muffled. Brendon attempts to pry him arm from his face but fails and falls back onto the couch.

‘What do you mean you don’t even know? You were like getting it on back there!’ Brendon asks with a frown.

‘Yeah, well I don’t think he’s, yeah. I mean. He started talking about his girlfriend. Which fucking sucks. But before I could ask him anything else Keltie came out all cheery and, ah, god. Why.’

Brendon rubs Jon’s back comfortingly. Finally, Jon removes his arm from his face before glancing over at Pete and Gabe who are still deep in discussion. His eyes trail over to Brendon’s almost untouched coffee.

‘Is that coffee? You know you’re not supposed to have coffee Bren. Your bouncing off the walls without it.’

‘But it tastes so gooooooood.’ Brendon whines, stretching out to protect his drink but Jon’s already snagged it and is walking back towards the counter.

‘I have to get back to work. I’ll bring you a hot chocolate as compensation.’

‘You are so mean Jon Walker.’ Brendon cries.

‘Extra cream!’ Jon shouts back as he disappears into the back room once more and Brendon’s face lights up.

\- - -

‘Please?’

‘No.’

‘Pleaaassseeee?’

‘No.’

‘Pleasey please?’

‘Noooo.’

‘Pleasey please with a cherry on top.’

‘I said no Brendon!’ Pete cries and Brendon pouts into the phone.

‘Come on! It’s only a little bit of work and you’ll be helping your bestest friends in the world out! We’ll pay you!’

There’s a slight pause before Pete’s reply squeaks through the receiver. ‘Pay me?’

‘With love!’

‘Fuck no.’

‘Please! I’ll pay for your coffee for a month!’ Brendon couldn’t really afford to pay for his own coffee but he’s sure Jon will help out.

‘Fine.’

‘YAY! Come meet me outside lecture hall 4 tomorrow at 2 and I’ll get you a sheet thingy, okay?’

‘Yeah sure whatever.’

‘Bye!’ Brendon calls before the call cuts off. He’s still smiling when he runs out into the living room of his and Jon’s apartment and pulls him in for a hug. It isn’t that big a space, but it’s enough for both of them. The kitchen is based in the corner of the living room with a small dining table at the side and enough room for 4 chairs. There is a sofa and 2 recliners in the middle of the room all angled towards a small television with a glass coffee table separating them.

‘Hey there little buddy. What exactly are you doing?’ Jon asks with a chuckle.

‘Pete agreed to help me out with the stupid experience project thingy. You know you love me right Jon? Because I didn’t ask you to help out because I love and respect you too much for that!’

Jon’s eyes narrow and his arms loosen their hold on Brendon slightly.

‘What do you want Bren?’

‘IpromisedPetefreecoffeeforamonthoractuallythatI’dpayforitbutI’mpoorsoyouknowokaybye.’ Brendon rushes out before Jon has the chance to react and hides under the covers in his bedroom, laughing to himself.

\- - -

According to his information sheet, which he spends the entire of Stump’s lecture reading instead of listening, the first meeting was at 4pm at the address provided. It didn’t say much else except that they are expected roughly 4 days a week, although the garden is open everyday. It’s a private house but the garden itself is open to the public.

Gabe leans over and prods Brendon in the side. His head snaps up and he glances around to find the other students packing up their equipment while some are already filing out and Stump is sat back in his chair with his feet on the desk.

‘Coffee time hermano?’ Gabe asks, holding out a hand to help pull Brendon from his seat.

‘Uh, actually Pete’s supposed to be meeting us to get an information sheet. But after yeah?’

‘Whoa!’ Gabe says, holding his hands up with widened eyes, ‘you got Pete to agree to manual labour? Like how?’

‘I bribed him with coffee.’ Brendon replies, scraping his belongings into his backpack and trooping down the steps towards the door.

‘Sneaky Urie. I like it.’ Gabe flings an arm around his shoulders and flashes their teacher a smile.

Pete is leaning idly against the wall next to the door with his eyes closed and his head tipped back. His black hair droops over his eyes. Brendon uses the back of his hand to hit Pete in the stomach, causing him to startle awake and drop his shoulder bag to the floor.

‘Hey Petey Pie!’ Gabe cheers, engulfing him in his endless arms.

‘Shall we?’ Brendon says, motioning back into the classroom.

‘And then coffee right?’ Pete queries as him and Gabe follow Brendon back inside the lecture theatre.

Pete catches sight of Stump relaxing in his chair and comes to a halt, eyes widening slightly, before picking up the pace again. Gabe narrows his eyes slightly and studies Pete now nervous looking face. The 3 of them reach the desk and Pete gazes down at his shoes, Gabe’s arm still slung over his shoulders.

Brendon clears his throat before saying, ‘Mr Stump?’

Stump blinks his eyes open in shock. Brendon Urie has never stayed longer than necessary at one of his lectures. His eyes float from Brendon’s warm brown eyes over to Gabe’s tired looking figure and then finally land on Pete’s avoiding gaze. His eyes widen slightly and he clears his throat, quickly directing his attention back to Brendon with a slight flush on his cheeks.

‘Yes, Mr Urie?’ He enquires, trying to prevent his voice from shaking. Stump lifts his feet from the desk.

‘Uh, well we were wondering if we could have another one of those sheets for the, uh, Experience Project?’ Brendon says with a sheepish smile.

‘Did you lose it already?’ Stump replies with a tut.

‘Uh, no it’s actually for my friend Pete,’ Brendon replies, motioning to the appropriate person, ‘he said he’d help out.’

At the mention of his name, Pete glances up and catches Stump’s eye before redirecting his gaze to the floor. Gabe’s grin widens. Pete’s blush deepens.

‘Of course.’ Stump replies with a small smile before he begins shuffling through the drawers of his desk. Eventually he pulls out a small pile of papers, handing one to Pete. Their hands brush slightly and Pete flinches back. Brendon gives them a confused look while Gabe continues to smile. What the fuck is going on?

‘Thanks.’ Pete mumbles with a small smile, catching Stump’s eye again causing his cheeks to grow redder but his smile because more genuine. Stump gives him a warm smile.

‘And please,’ Stump continues, turning his attention back to a confused Brendon and an overly excited Gabe, ‘call me Patrick.’ And he gives them a smile so wide it almost conquers Brendon’s signature heart-warmer.

‘Alright, well, we’ll see you tomorrow Patrick.’ Brendon says with a nod and starts towards the door.

‘Later Pat!’ Gabe follows with a grin while Pete gives Patrick a sheepish smile and bites his lip.

‘Nice to meet you, Pete.’ Patrick says with a sly smile.

‘Uh yeah, you too Tri-Patrick.’ Pete smiles and hurries out the door, dragging Gabe behind him. As soon as they’re out of the room Gabe breaks out in hysterics and Brendon’s eyes narrow on Pete.

His cheeks flush a brilliant red once again under Brendon’s scrutinising gaze as Gabe slowly regains control. ‘What the fuck was that?’ Gabe asks, clapping Pete on his back.

‘Nothing. Coffee?’ Pete replies in a hurry and begins speed walking down the hall and away from Patrick. The others exchange a confused look and follow after.

\- - -

‘I thought I told you no coffee!’ Jon says, snatching the hot porcelain cup away from Brendon’s eager grasp. He lets out a pathetic wimp and pouts up at Jon.

‘I need it for all the work Jonny!’ Brendon whines and Jon raises an eyebrow.

‘Work?’ He asks, quirking his head.

‘Yeah, that Experience Project shit starts today. At like 4.’ Gabe puts in, interrupting his conversation with Pete.

‘Uh, well it’s like 3.30 so should you like, leave?’ Jon asks.

‘Nah. It’s only a 10 minute walk from here.’ Brendon adds, snatching his coffee back and sipping at it eagerly despite the fact that the hot liquid burns his tongue with every gulp. ‘So where’s your toy boy anyway?’

Jon raises his eyebrow again.

‘Spencer.’ Brendon clarifies.

‘Oh, um. I don’t know. I think he said he had some stuff to do when he came in yesterday but, I wasn’t really paying attention, because, you know.’ Jon says and looks down at his lap.

Brendon pats his legs comfortingly and Jon sends a grateful smile his way.

‘Do you think ‘stuff’ is code for ‘girlfriend’.’ Gabe adds in while Pete snorts out coffee.

Brendon throws a cushion at his face.

\- - -

The usual rain clouds covering Scientiam A Sapientibus House have dispersed, leaving the sunlight to flood the neglected gardens. The wispy branches of grey trees clawing at overgrown bushes are no longer hidden by shadow, revealing the true damage of the area. There is doubt regarding whether it can be fixed. But there is also hope.

Brendon thinks otherwise.

‘This place is wrecked.’ He says, earning a nod from both Gabe and Pete.

‘A little hard work never killed anybody, ey.’ Gabe grins and throws his arms around his companions, both quite short by comparison.

‘Who are you and what did you do with Gabe?’ Pete asks, a look of horror on his face, earning a clap around the back of his head by Gabe and a chuckle from Brendon.

‘But really though. This is going to take more than a month to tidy up. More like a year.’ Brendon eyes the dead plants and yellowing grass with distaste, anticipating the hard labour ahead.

‘Be strong Brenny.’ Gabe says and leads them over to a small gathering of people, congregating by a large set of marble steps leading up to a some sliding glass doors. The sunlight bounced off them making it impossible to peer inside the house.

‘The more the merrier then.’ Chirps a guy with light hair and a young face. ‘Sisky.’ He holds his hand out and Gabe takes it eagerly, pulling him in for a hug, which startles the boy a bit.

‘Gabe mi hermano!’ He cheers before gesturing to Brendon and Pete, introducing them in turn. The other men previously watching the exchange then joined in with the introduction.

‘Gerard,’ says a man with red hair hanging down past his chin, ‘and this is my brother Mikey.’ The other man has dark hair swept back from his face. He gives a shy smile and then turns back to talk to his brother.

‘I’m Frank.’ Introduces the man with an eager smile. He also has dark hair, even blacker than Mikey’s.

‘And I’m Joe.’ Says the final man with frizzy curls surrounding his head.

The conversations are soon interrupted by a man sliding through the doors of the house and out onto the steps where he drops down and perches on the edge of one.

Brendon’s eyes widens as Pete leans over and murmurs, ‘Is that the guy from Starbucks?’. Brendon gives a shaky nod and adds, ‘Spencer.’

Everybody has quietened down and turned towards Spencer who is examining them all with sharp, blue eyes. ‘Afternoon.’ He says, breaking out into a stunning smile.

A chorus of greetings respond before he continues. ‘I’m Spencer Smith, the leader of this project at SAS. I assume you’ve all read the information sheets so I shouldn’t have to tell you much else. The equipment is held in the shed at the East corner and schedules are pinned inside it. There are a few rules. Firstly, no entering the house. It is private property. Secondly, don’t talk to anybody going in or out of the house except myself. Thirdly, all questions are to be directed to me. Um, I think that’s all.’ He says with another bright smile. ‘So, are there any questions?’

‘Is it your house?’ Joe asks.

‘No.’

‘Whose house is it?’ He continues.

‘A friend’s.’ Spencer answers bluntly.

‘Why can’t we go in the house?’ Sisky adds.

‘Because it’s not your house. Now are there any work related questions.’ Several hands fall leaving only one still stretched in the air. ‘Yes?’ Spencer asks, pointing to Gabe.

‘So what are we doing today?’

‘Ripping all the crappy plants the fuck out of this place.’ Spencer answers with an easy smile, earning a laugh from a few of the men.

\- - -

If Brendon’s honest with himself, the whole work thing isn’t as bad as it could be. Although at the back of his mind he still recognises the fact that it’s unpaid labour, he’s still hanging out with the guys and he’s doing something he enjoys which is more than he can say for some people.

Like Jon for example. The poor old fucker is stuck serving brain dead, drooling adults in the early hours of the morning, constantly surrounded by the rich but often sickly smell of coffee beans and vanilla syrup, the shop favourite. Of course Jon says he’s grown some kind of immunity to the musky scent but Brendon sees how his nose scrunches up every time he opens up a fresh pack.

But Brendon also knows how much he loves coffee, even if it’s not his dream of spending a year in Europe, just him and his camera. Yes, he’s a photography nerd. He’d probably take pictures of the stupid coffee he serves if it weren’t for the fact that coffee is, indeed, fucking boring,

There are upsides to his job. Like Spencer. Brendon knows that Jon whole existence at Starbucks is centred on Spencer’s daily arrival and sometimes it’s like his soul leaves along with the guy. A few months back Spencer had made his first visit and, of course, his stunning, crystal blue eyes had caught Jon’s attention almost instantly. They’re still stuck on small talk but Jon insists their (non existent) relationship is going somewhere. And Brendon has to admit that on the odd occasion that Spencer appears while Jon is absent from the store, he will ask after him. Not that Brendon would ever tell Jon this. Better not to get his hopes up.

So it’s a surprise when, while Brendon is absently pondering Jon and Spencer’s mysterious relationship and plucking weeds from the cracks between the stone pavement slabs, the man in question appears behind him.

‘It helps if you spray them with weed killer first.’ Spencer says, smiling down at Brendon with a hint of amusement.

Brendon instantly smiles back and stands up, dusting his hands off. ‘Not if you want your vegetable patch produce edible goods.’

‘Ah.’ Spencer says with an accepting nod, ‘I knew I hired Agricultural Pre-Grads for a reason.’ Brendon laughs and gives Spencer a small shove.

‘Brendon.’ He says, holding his hand out. Spencer grasps it firmly and gives it a sturdy shake with a friendly smile still plastered on his face.

‘So I’ve heard.’ Spencer retorts. ‘I’ve seen you around the coffee place. With the freakishly tall, tanned guy and his young minion.’ He says, gesturing over to where Pete is attempting to pull a small tree straight from the ground while Gabe is bowed over next to him, laughing hysterically.

‘Ah. The terrible twosome. Feel free to give them a quick slap if they screw up too bad.’

‘Will do.’ Spencer says, giving Brendon a pat on the back and a wink before heading over to the pair in an attempt to save the miniature tree’s life and some of Pete’s dwindling dignity.

\- - -

‘Jooooooooooooooooooooooon…’

‘Ye-ow!’ Jon groans as Brendon tackles him on the sofa and curls up against his chest, burying his head in his neck.

‘I love you dearest friend of mine.’ Brendon purrs.

‘Yeah. Okay. What the hell is going on.’ Jon says, attempting to wrestle Brendon off himself.

‘You do love me don’t you Jon?’

‘Of course. Now seriously…’

‘Say it.’ Brendon prods a sharp finger into Jon’s ribs.

‘I love you, Bren, now get the fuck off me.’

Brendon slides off him and skips into his bedroom, turning back quickly to yell, ‘you’ll thank me soon enough.’ Before disappearing into his room, leaving a dazed and utterly confused Jon slumped on the sofa.

\- - -

Brendon loves the sun. And plants. He loves Spencer too.

‘I love you Spencey.’ He says and rolls onto his front, shielding his eyes with his hand so he can look up at Spencer who is busy digging up the plants that are technically Brendon’s responsibility but, really, he’s the one who came out with the lemonade and nobody should be expected to work while sampling a delicious refreshment such as this.

‘Uh, that’s great Bren. But you’ve only known me for, like, 3 days.’ Spencer says throwing a sceptical but adoring glance at Brendon.

‘What can I say. I’m a lover.’ Brendon replies with a sigh before jumping to his feat and grabbing one of the pitchforks to assist Spencer in his plant digging.

Sisky’s chuckle sounds from where he’s working by the big okay tree as he begins to sing, ’all the lovers…’ and before they know it the entire work force is enjoying a Kylie Minogue karaoke session.

Joe uses his shovel handle as a pole for his erotic dancing while Mikey looks on laughing. Gerard and Frank have gathered a few leaves from a dying fern and have created improvised hula skirts that sway with the wind and the exaggerated movement of their hips, which makes absolutely no sense because this song is Hawaiian in no way whatsoever but it still makes Brendon crack up.

He attempts to hide his fit of hysterics by gathering a few more black bin liners from near the bush behind him in order to dispose of the few remaining dead plants he and Spencer had plied from the ground that didn’t fit into the other bags.

He comes to a halt however when he notices a slim figure stood watching them through one of the windows on the second floor. A small smile plays on his young face, framed by soft curls, held back by a floral bandana. He only catches a flash of the honeycomb eyes as they meet with his own dark brown pools before the man has scurried off, leaving Brendon with a wondrous expression, only barely registering the laughs bellowing behind him.

‘Hey Spence?’ Brendon calls, still focused on the window.

‘Yeah?’ Spencer returns, turning his back on the scene.

‘Who was that?’ I ask, pointing to the window while moving my gaze to his confused face.

Spencer stalls a moment before he opens his mouth, getting out only a short, ‘Uh,’ before Gabe is bounding over.

‘Coffee break hermanos!’ He yells and begins dragging them both away by their arms.

Brendon hears the others still joking around behind him as he looks behind him at the empty window once again before they round a corner and it falls from view, blocked by a large tree. Blocked from his life.

\- - -

‘To happy coffee times!’ Pete declares, raising his Starbucks mug to clink with those who followed his example.

‘And to some guys crappy gardening skills for giving us this crappy job.’ Sisky adds with a sly smile towards Spencer who just shrugs and laughs it off.

Brendon’s legs are resting on Spencer who has wrapped himself into a ball. Brendon thinks it’s the disappointment from Jon not being on shift, though he knows Spencer would never admit it. He hasn’t even told the poor guy he knows Jon yet He certainly hasn’t told him that Jon is due in to work in approximately 30 seconds.

The bell dings and Brendon smiles. Right on time.

He sees Spencer cast a hopeless glance towards the door and then tensing up slightly as his eyes widen at the sight of one Jon Walker. He strides towards the counter, hops over for effect, and pulls out his ridiculous apron from under the counter, replacing it with his shoulder bag.

He straightens up and Brendon waves to him, signalling for him to join them. They had to take up a different table seen has their usual number had tripled. Jon calls out to Alex who pokes his head around the staff only door and frowns before replacing Jon at the counter. Jon smiles and ruffles his workmates hair before heading over to his friends.

Alex glances over, eyes skimming over the familiar and unfamiliar faces before landing on Brendon. He sends a shy smile, which Brendon returns with a gleaming grin. Alex blushes just a little. If it were anybody else it would go unnoticed but it’s Alex and Brendon knows he has a giant crush on him. And to be honest, Brendon doesn’t exactly shy away from it. Alex is pretty cute. He has nice hair. And a sexy last name. Suarez. It sounds like suave but with a little bit of Latin thrown in. Brendon likes them exotic. He’s just waiting for the kid to make the first move. He’s hard to get like that. Sometimes. Okay rarely. Well, only with Alex, but that’s because he’s just generally adorable.

Jon hands wrap around Brendon from behind and pull him into a tight hug before Brendon shoves him away. Jon just laughs, unaffected by the lack of affection.

But then Jon looks over to his usual spot on the sofa, which is currently occupied by Spencer, and Spencer looks up to see who just embraced the boy beside him and their eyes meet and if it were a movie they’d be making passionate love by now but it’s not a movie so instead they just stare like the idiots they are. Idiots so clearly in love.

‘Hey Jonny, have you met Spencer?’ Brendon asks with a sly grin, tugging on Jon’s wrist until he sits on the arm of the couch. Jon breaks the eye contact and glances down at Brendon, lips set in a thin line with a raised eyebrow.

‘Uh yeah.’ He says with a small, shy and unbelievably nervous smile. Brendon frowns; he thought they were good friends by now. They should be overjoyed by the opportunity to jump each other but instead they’re both having anxiety attacks.

‘Yeah.’ Spencer echoes and looks down at the floor, curling in on himself further.

‘Oh that’s cool!’ Brendon enthuses, ‘Spencer’s running the gardening thing!’ He tips his head back to give Jon a pointed stare.

Jon’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise this time and he turns his focus to a blushing Spencer. ‘Really? You never mentioned an interest in gardening before!’ He says.

‘Yeah,’ Spencer laughs nervously, ‘Well I’m not really. It’s just, helping out a friend, you know?’ He looks up for the first time and gives Jon his attention.

‘I would have come down to help, but, you know, coffee and stuff.’ Jon says with a sheepish smile.

Brendon frowns. ‘I thought you said you would neve-‘ He’s cut off by Jon’s hand making contact with the back of his head sharply. He narrows his eyes and sides off the sofa, watching as Jon discreetly takes his place and starts up an enthusiastic conversation with Spencer about gardening, of which, neither of them know anything.

He still means to question Spencer about the man in the house but for now it’s better to let Jon have his way.

Instead, Brendon walks over to the counter, resting his elbows on the surface and cradling his head in his hands. ‘Hey,’ he says in a slightly flirtatious way, snapping Alex out of his daydreaming. His eyes shoot to Brendon before his cheeks begin to flush. Brendon loves his reaction. It just makes him even more adorable.

‘Hi.’ Alex says with a slight stutter and it’s adorable.

‘So how’s the coffee biz treating you?’ Brendon asks, pouting his lips a little while raising a questioning eyebrow.

‘Oh, it’s, uh, it’s good. Lots of, uh, coffee. Yeah.’

‘That’s good.’

‘It is.’

‘Is it a busy week?’ Brendon asks.

‘Uh, not really, I mean, I have the day off Friday, well, the night off because I still have to work the, uh, lunch shift.’

Brendon smiles. This was the reaction he’d been hoping for. The silent question of a date lingering in the chair, ready for Brendon to grasp at any given moment but he wanted to see the kid flap about for a bit longer. He’s not cruel, it’s just fun.

‘Oh really? That’s awesome. I mean, Jon and me were going to go down to this new bar that’s just opened down the street. Test the place out, y’know?’

‘Oh.’ Alex looks slightly disheartened, ‘Sounds fun. I’ll probably, uh, check it out at some point too. Yeah.’

Brendon smiles. ‘You could come with us if you want? I mean, it looks as though Spencer will be joining us anyway. He’ll probably be all over his new love interest so I’ll need somebody to keep me entertained.’ It was basically a double date. And he’d just told Alex so. He better take the fucking opportunity.

‘Yeah, that sounds great!’ Alex grin is otherworldly it stretches so far.

Relief flows through Brendon; it’s been a while since he got laid. Although usually he’s a ‘not until the third date kind of guy’ but the sooner the first date the sooner the third right? Besides, he could always make exceptions. It’s not like Alex is going to run off afterwards is it?

‘So, meet you there about 8pm, yeah?’ Brendon says and Alex replies with a swift nod. Just then Jon walks over and slips behind the counter. Alex sends one last grateful smile Brendon’s way and scuttles off into the backroom.

‘We need to have words.’ Jon says with narrow eyes but Brendon can see the smile still lingering on his lips. It’s a good day to be him.

\- - -

So far Brendon has been doing a very good job of avoiding Jon’s entirely fake rage. He thinks that Jon just needs to vent his sexual frustration through violence because he is also not getting any.

‘Keeping yourself pure for Spencer?’ Brendon had called through his locked bedroom door while Jon pounded it with the heavy-duty pillow fight cushion. He had just growled and continued his assault on the only thing blocking him from sweet revenge.

But now Brendon is faced with an entirely new problem.

Spencer.

And he only realises this when he peers over his sunglasses at the figure stomping over to him so he doesn’t have the time or reflexes fast enough to make his hasty escape. All he can do is stand there and wait for the approaching wrath.

He stabs the pitchfork he had been using to de-root one of the many yellowing shrubs into the ground and leans his chin against it. In just a few moments Spencer stands in front of him, glaring down.

‘Why the hell didn’t you tell me?’ Spencer demands in an unusually high voice. Brendon would laugh under any other circumstances but Spencer’s death eyes give him a good reason not to.

‘Tell you what?’ Brendon asks innocently. And, honestly, he didn’t see what the big deal was. He’d basically set them both up with the guys of their dreams. They should be thanking him, not listing ways to kill him.

‘You fucking well know what!’ Spencer lets out an enraged sigh. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about Jon?’

‘Uh… well he’s a 5’7” hobo who’s obsessed with photography and pretends he can’t stand the smell of coffee but really-‘

‘Brendon.’ Spencer cuts him off in a strangely calm voice. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you knew Jon?’

‘Because I didn’t see it as any relevance.’ Brendon says simply with a shrug.

‘Oh, yeah. Well. It’s not. Yeah.’ Spencer says with a worried glance at Brendon like he’d suddenly given too much away. He grabs one of the pitchforks propped up against the stonewall and begins helping Brendon pry the dead plants from the ground.

‘So how come you’re helping us out?’ Brendon asks, keeping his eyes focused on the task at hand. He sees Spencer relax slightly at the change of subject.

‘Ryan doesn’t trust you guys without a guardian,’ Spencer answers with an adoring but amused chuckle.

‘Ryan?’ Brendon asks casually, gaze flickering to Spencer under the cover of his sunglasses.

Spencer tenses slightly under the realisation that he has, yet again, said too much. ‘Uh.’ He says and clears his throat before going back to work.

Brendon pauses in his work and looks Spencer over, taking in his rigid posture. ‘So is he the guy who owns the house?’ He asks.

Spencer freezes momentarily. ‘Uh. Yeah.’ Cough.

Brendon nods and turns back to the work.

They work in silence until Gerard comes dashing past them, closely followed by a water hose wielding Frank armed with a devious grin.

‘So is that the guy I saw?’ Brendon slots in absently with a neutral expression.

‘Uh, yeah. I guess. Probably. I mean, unless it was the, uh, maid but. You said it was a, um, a guy so probably, yeah, probably not. And it’s only him in the house. He. He doesn’t really have visitors so.’ Spencer replies, concentrating on pawing his pitchfork through the soil and disposing of any unearthed rocks with a flick of his wrist.

‘Why not?’

‘Because, it’s just. Well. He’s Ryan. He’s, yeah.’ Spencer finishes.

Brendon knows when a conversation has run dry, even if it is much to his dismay. Spencer seems to have so much to say about the guy, seems to want to say so much more, but he says so little. And what he did say only opened up a new wealth of questions eager to be aired. But for now, he knows to keep his mouth shut.

Ryan. It’s good to put a name to a face.

Spencer glances towards the house uneasily.

‘So are you coming Friday?’ Brendon asks.

‘What?’ Spencer says, snapping back to Brendon.

‘Oh, I, uh, I presumed Jon would ask you but…’

‘Oh no, no.’ Spencer interrupts, ‘Friday. The bar. Yeah.’ He lets out a small smile that barely hides the grin he really wants to show. But it’s Brendon. And Brendon knows Jon. So no.

‘Yeah.’ Spencer repeats and lets out a contented sigh.

\- - -

‘So remember to hand your essays in before the end of term in order to get your best possible grade!’ Patrick finishes just before the bell sounds. ‘Have a good weekend!’ He calls but half of the class have already evacuated the room.

Brendon finishes packing his stuff up and Gabe waits patiently by his side.

‘You and Spence seem to be getting on well.’ He comments absently.

‘Uh, yeah, I guess.’ Brendon replies, confused, as he shrugs his jacket on and pulls his backpack up.

‘A little too well, if you get what I’m saying.’ Gabe grins cheekily and winks at Brendon who simply stares back in horror before bursting out laughing.

‘What? Oh god no! Jon would maim me!’ Brendon says, skipping down the steps as Gabe hurries after. It’s his turn to be confused.

‘Uh, what?’

‘Dude.’ Brendon says to him seriously. It had been so obvious to him so how had Gabe not seen how Jon and Spencer had been all over each other every time they’d met at Starbucks. Clearly, Gabe was not quite as quick as he had thought.

They stumble through the doorway, Gabe still protesting that he hadn’t missed anything, and come to a halt, eyes widening. Pete simply pushes past them with a hasty ‘Excuse me.’ And strides into the lecture hall.

‘Uh, Pete?’ Brendon asks.

At the sound of his friend’s voice Pete turns around and freezes as he takes in who he just passed.

‘We’re not going to the SAS today bro.’ Gabe adds with a slightly endearing smile.

‘Uh, yeah. I know. I just. Yeah.’ Pete says quickly, pointing behind him. ‘See you guys later yeah.’ He says before hurrying into the room.

Brendon turns to look at Gabe. ‘I seriously don’t even know.’ Gabe says and then starts dragging Brendon down the hall yelling, ‘so a little birdy told me you have a hot date. Tonight’s the night ey?’ He winks and suddenly Brendon doesn’t care that Pete’s acting weird because he’s going to get laid and it’s about fucking time.

\- - -

The air is thick with smoke and the drinks keep coming. Brendon thinks he’s kind of missed this. The atmosphere is better than he remembered from old bars but he passes it off as the buzz of a shiny new toy. The place is well decorated and the bar is well stocked. A small stage crowds the corner and booths line the walls. It’s busy so most of those were already taken, leaving Brendon, Jon, Spencer and an unbelievably excited Alex stuck at a small round table. None of them seem to mind.

What Brendon does mind, however, is the fact the Spencer is basically hanging off Jon’s every word and the pair aren’t even trying to converse with himself and Alex who is looking at him with these big puppy dog eyes that practically beg for attention but Brendon’s not so sure if he wants to give it anymore.

Jon had already warned him to be careful. He knew about Alex’s crush and he knew how thoughtless Brendon could be sometimes. Jon was protective of his younger co-worker and Brendon felt slightly betrayed. It’s not like he’s going to break the kids heart or anything.

‘Hey guys, I’m going to take a leak.’ He says before disappearing into the crowd and heading towards the doors hidden by the stage labelled ‘Staff Only’ and ‘Toilets’, the latter of which he enters. Alex gives out a slightly dejected pout at being left with the completely oblivious lovebirds.

Brendon is just running his hands under the cold faucet of the shiny, new taps in the shiny, new bathroom when he hears slightly cracked talking echoing into the room. Somebody is talking into a microphone, most likely the one he spotted on the stage earlier on in the night.

He slides back into the main room just as a guitarist starts playing on stage accompanied by a tall skinny man on vocals. His hair is long and curly to his shoulders but his voice is strong. The melody is sweet and new and it captures Brendon.

Brendon remains frozen in place, listening to the beautiful sound, until the song comes to an end and only then does he snap back to reality.

The small crowd that has gathered around the performers erupts in applause and even wolf whistles, which Brendon traces back to Gabe. Gabe?

He surged forward and grabs the man by the arm, yanking him away from the crowd and into a dark corner. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ He snarls, poking Gabe in the ribs harshly.

‘It’s a public building Bren,’ Gabe says with a sly smile.

‘I’m serious Gabe.’ Brendon spits back.

Gabe sighs. ‘I followed Pete. I wanted to know what the fuck he was up to but then I saw him come in here and I thought he was meeting you guys or something but you weren’t here and then I lost him so I sat down and had a few drinks with these guys. They were really awesome and then William said he had some business to take care of and then all of a sudden he was on stage singing and he was fucking good don’t you think? Like really-‘

‘Wait! Pete’s here?’ Brendon hisses, eyes widening slightly.

‘Uh yeah. Over there.’ Gabe says pointing over to an occupied booth. Brendon looks over to the table and they both do a double take after noticing who he’s sat with.

‘Stump?’ They squeal simultaneously.

Brendon wrenches himself away from Gabe with a new flow of anger-fuelled energy running straight through him. He heads straight over to the concealed pair and Gabe follows him after a momentary lapse in consciousness.

They’re half way over to the table when Gabe suddenly latches onto Brendon’s wrist and tugs him backwards, leaving them face-to-face. Brendon attempts to pull away but Gabe holds him steady, eyes warily searching the smaller boy’s face. All he saw was furious determination.

‘It’s not worth it Bren.’ Gabe finally says, purposefully drawing out the words to get the message across.

Shock crosses Brendon’s face followed by even brighter burning determination. ‘What do you mean it’s not fucking worth it? Our bitch of a best friend has been fucking our teacher behind our backs. Our fucking teacher Gabe! He’s had ample opportunity but the idiot just kept it to himself!’

Gabe’s fingers run calmingly over Brendon’s pulse, slowing his anger. ‘It’s not really our business.’

Brendon breathes a heavy sigh and his shoulders visibly sag. ‘I know,’ he says in a defeated tone, ‘but he should have… I mean… we’re his friends… he could… why didn’t he tell us?’

‘Bren. We can pounce him tomorrow when you can get a full sentence out of your mouth, okay?’ Gabe says with a relieved smile before cupping his arm over Brendon’s shoulders and redirecting him over to the bar.

‘Two beers my good man!’ Gabe calls to the bartender and turns back to his friend. ‘So how’s the date going?’

Horror crosses Brendon’s face as he remembers he left Alex almost 10 minutes ago. ‘Shit.’ He breathes.

The bartender pushes the drinks their way as Gabe glances over Brendon’s shoulder. ‘Speak of the devil.’ He mutters before clasping his drink, patting Brendon on the shoulder and sauntering back over to the crowded area by the stage, presumably to admire his new friend William.

A slightly worried looking Alex suddenly occupies the space in front of him. Brendon finds the softness in his eyes reassuring and finds himself giving the boy an easy smile. ‘Hey you.’ He says with a slight slur, more out of left over confusion from the events previous than the few drinks he had consumed so far.

‘Hey.’ Alex says warily, ‘Where’d you disappear to?’

‘Oh. I saw Gabe and he offered to buy me a drink because he knows I’m basically a hobo.’ Brendon replies, still smiling and gazing easily into Alex’s eyes. Brendon likes the kid. Maybe not in a romantic way but he was a nice and easy guy.

‘Oh cool.’ Alex says, eying up Brendon’s drink.

‘Oh hey,’ Brendon says, taking the hint, ‘Can we get another one of these?’ He calls to the bartender who gives him a nod before dipping below the counter.

‘So where’d you dump the happy couple?’ Brendon asks once Alex is sipping on a fresh beer.

‘Overly happy if you ask me,’ Alex replies with a chuckle. ‘They can barely keep their hands off each other. They’re not sucking face or anything though which is a good thing I guess.’ Brendon pretends not to notice the way Alex’s eyes drop to his lips momentarily. ‘But I think they said something about an empty booth.’

‘Right.’ Brendon says, a bit annoyed at their disregard for whom they actually came to this goddamn bar with. His eyes scan over the room, landing on one of the filled booths but it’s not Spencer and Jon he finds, rather Gabe and the guy previously strutting around on the stage. Mouths locked and hands roaming.

He jerks his gaze away. Everybody else seems to be getting some action and he’s stood here like a frigid monk. His suspicions aren’t helped when he does spot Spencer and Jon exchanging soft kisses. In fact he feels the anger from before rebuilding.

He’s not jealous. No. No way is he jealous. Brendon doesn’t need a relationship to be happy. He doesn’t need anybody to touch him and want him. He doesn’t need anybody to love or anybody to love him.

The final straw is when he once again sees Pete and Patrick all snuggled up together like there is nothing in the world they’d rather be doing. No place they’d rather be. It almost sickens Brendon. Normally he’d just get depressed but alcohol pushes him further into rage.

He downs his beer and turns his focus back to Alex, slamming the bottle down onto the counter and startling Alex. He throws a few bills next to it.

‘Let’s get the fuck out of here.’ Brendon says and Alex’s eyes widen slightly before Brendon grabs his arm and begins towing him hastily towards the door.

Brendon doesn’t see the way Alex’s eyes sparkle or the disappointment in Jon’s as he watches the two men leave. Brendon doesn’t hear Jon’s voice saying, ‘don’t do anything stupid. Don’t break the kid’s heart Bren.’

Brendon doesn’t feel anything until they’re back at his apartment attacking each other’s clothes, biting at each others lips ferociously. But still he doesn’t see the hope in Alex’s eyes or if he does, he chooses to ignore it.

But hey, Brendon’s getting laid. And it’s about time, right?

\- - -

When Brendon awakes to the sound of soft breathing beside him he doesn’t think about what he’s done. Instead, he clenches his eyes harder together and wishes for the escape of sleep.

When it doesn’t come, he slips from his bed and pulls on a pair of discarded boxes, careful to avoid catching sight of the other side of his bed.

He walks out into the living room and notes that the door to Jon’s room is still open. This could mean one of two things: either Jon has already left or he never came back last night. And due to the lack of freshly brewed coffee waiting on the glass table, Brendon thinks it’s the latter.

He should be happy for Jon and Spencer. He is happy.

He finds his jeans strewn over the back of the sofa and pats down the pockets. He finds his phone and the display lights up signalling one new message.

Staying at Spencer’s.  
You’re a prick.  
Call me when you’ve got your shit together.  
Jon

\- - -

Brendon is fully prepared to admit he’s made a mistake. A big one.

Jon had managed to successfully avoid him all weekend by seeking asylum at Spencer’s place, much to his delight. This, however, had left Brendon to fend for himself and that included making the morning coffee and he was terrible at that. Jon, as the Starbucks employee, was always on coffee duty so it wasn’t really Brendon’s fault that he was lacking practice and so managed to momentarily break the spluttering machine before it magically fixed itself again, to Brendon’s relief. It’s safe to say that Brendon didn’t touch Jon’s little baby coffee maker (which he had coincidently named ‘Steve’, after his original college crush, no matter how often Jon tried to deny it) again.

To be fair, he hadn’t tried particularly hard to pursue his roommate. He knew where Jon would be if not in class or at Spencer’s, of course, but that was the coffee shop and Brendon didn’t really want to show his face at the coffee shop. Especially not after his recent activity, which may have affected more than one employee and he knew that Jon’s shifts often coincided with Alex’s. Brendon always thought this was purposeful: an attempt to get the two together. But clearly Jon was now regretting his decision.

So basically, when Brendon turns up at the SAS on Monday morning, he is a mess. And it’s not just withdrawal from his caffeine free weekend (he wouldn’t get withdrawal anyway as Jon only allowed him one cup of coffee a day and the rest was hot chocolate but he was missing that too) but also how he hasn’t been sleeping too well without Jon’s daily hugs and not truly knowing where Jon is at any one moment like he usually does. He feels lost.

And just to make it worse, he knows that the people he will soon be greeted by are the exact reason that his life kind of sucks right now, even if they aren’t exactly aware of that. Brendon’s also quite sure that Jon will have blabbed all about the situation to Spencer over their loving couple weekend and so he’s expecting to be working alone for the first time since the stupid project began.

Brendon strolls through the high iron gates he had seen Joe and Sisky working on throughout the week, and straight across the dead grass, carefully keeping his eyes trailed on the ground. Not that anyone could see them through his ridiculously sized sunglasses.

When he reaches the familiar shed, he wrenches the door open and drops his bag onto the floor next to him. Shrugging off his jacket, he uses his finger to scan down the schedule before picking up a pair of hedge-trimmers and readjusting his dungarees (yes dungarees, it was Jon’s turn to do the washing and Brendon wasn’t giving in that easily so it’s all he had left. Plus he’s a gardener so that should be excuse enough), he steps back out into the garden.

The little sunlight there is reflects from Brendon’s sunglasses as he snip at awry branches protruding from the high hedge bordering one corner of the garden. He knows he should have bought a stepladder out with him, because he really isn’t that tall, or he should at least have left this job for Gabe, the fucking giant. But this way he was hidden from Spencer’s scrutiny, not that Brendon had seen him around yet. He was sure to turn up soon. As he had said, that Ryan dude didn’t trust them alone with his garden.

Almost as if on cue, Spencer chooses that moment to appear through some overgrown shrubbery and stop just short of Brendon’s wary form. He instantly cocks his hip and crosses his arms defiantly over his chest. Brendon simply clears his throat and returns to taking chunks from the hedge hesitantly.

‘I’m waiting.’ Spencer says with a voice as serious as death. Brendon instantly knows it’s bad. Really bad.

He pauses his movements and bends down to place the tool on the ground before turning back and facing a very closed off Spencer. If it weren’t for the posture or the burning anger in his sharp, blue eyes, he would appear almost indifferent. That scares Brendon.

‘I’m sorry.’ He replies, barely audible over the rustle of leaves dancing in the slight breeze. Spencer simply arches an eyebrow.

‘You fucked up.’ He says, voice almost as cold as his eyes.

‘I know.’ Brendon replies, dropping his head. ‘I’m sorry.’

Spencer’s eyes often only slightly. ‘Jon’s going back to your place tomorrow. You should apologise.’ He pauses. ‘And to Alex as well.’

‘Okay.’

Spencer nods and turns around. Pausing slightly, he calls back, ‘Gabe’s looking for you,’ before disappearing into the bushes again.

\- - -

When Brendon finally emerges from his over extended hedge trimming expedition, he is instantly faced with Gabe’s chest and strong arms wrapped around him. ‘Brenny boy! I’ve been waiting!’ He says before releasing his friend, keeping one arm wrapped tightly around his shoulders. ‘What’s up?’

‘Same old shit.’ Brendon says with a small smile. It’s not Gabe’s fault he has a nice looking guy to lust after. He’s only trying to be happy. And nice. ‘And yourself Gabey baby?’

‘Oh I’m fantastical, like with glitter and everything!’ Gabe sings and Brendon can’t help but allow a chuckle to escape.

‘So, William ey?’ Brendon asks, resting his head on Gabe’s shoulder, which is quite an effort considering his height. He still catches the way Gabe’s grin widens and finds his own widening in response. ‘Do tell.’

‘Oh no. It was just a bit of touchy feely. And then he asked for my number and said he would call. Which he did.’

‘So when are your sex plans so I can avoid you as much as possible that day?’

‘Eh,’ Gabe hesitates slightly, ‘Well we didn’t arrange a date or anything.’ Brendon raises a questioning eyebrow. ‘We just talked. About music and stuff. But I’m pretty sure he’s into me.’ Gabe adds with a smile.

‘Of course he is. You are Gabe, master of the bedroom.’ Brendon replies and Gabe cuffs him round the head while laughing.

‘So have you seen Pete yet?’ Gabe asks cautiously.

‘Uh, no. Have you?’ Brendon replies, careful to keep his face neutral. He doesn’t mind that Pete is dating his professor; he’d just like to have been told. Fuck that. Of course he fucking minds. It’s weird.

‘No. He’s not coming in today. No guesses why.’ Gabe says with an eye roll. Suddenly his attention is shifted to just behind Brendon. ‘Oh, hey Spence. Coffee time already?’

‘Of course. It’s the only reason I get up in the morning and drag my ass to the hell hole.’ Spencer’s voice says from just behind Brendon, who turns and throws him a sheepish smile.

Spencer and Gabe start towards the gate where Mikey, Joe and Sisky have already congregated but pause when they realise Brendon isn’t following after but is instead, glancing around awkwardly. ‘Coming Bren?’ Gabe asks.

Brendon wavers for a moment. He doesn’t want to be left in the garden alone but neither does he want to be faced with coffee shop employees. Especially when he hasn’t quite worked out how to apologise yet. And he’s sure that seeing Alex’s face fall would break his heart.

‘Uh, well, I, um…’ Brendon stutters.

‘Of course he is.’ Spencer sends a pointed look towards Brendon and then continues on his way over to the others. Gabe gives Brendon a smile as he walks to catch them up, Brendon trailing behind.

Brendon glances back towards the house and only just catches the flash of soft, brown hair and honeycomb eyes before they’re gone again.

\- - -

When Brendon treks through the door to Starbucks last, his eyes instantly fly over to the smooth wooden counter, half expecting Jon to be waiting, armed with a machine gun and screaming battle cries, or maybe for Alex to be bawling his eyes out, tears dripping tears onto the already slightly soggy muffins.

What he does in fact find is neither of the above, but rather one heavily tattooed coffee worker with ginger curls that Brendon loves to run his fingers through when he’s high and he always does it when he’s high because he’s always with Andy when he’s high. Andy, his ginger hair and a spliff just go together flawlessly.

So of course on seeing his second favourite Starbucks employee ever (or maybe his second favourite person full stop) his face splits into a shit-eating grin. Brendon skips over and drops his elbows onto the counter in front of Andy, cradling his chin in his hands and waits for Andy to glance up from his poetry book. That’s another thing Andy is never without: a book of poetry that goes above and beyond Brendon’s understanding. Or, well, anyone’s understanding.

When Andy does look up his eyes glance at Brendon before focusing over his shoulder on a frustrated looking Spencer. ‘So I’m not Alex.’ He says, and Brendon sighs.

\- - -

Brendon is sat cross-legged on the kitchen floor, staring longingly at Steve and pondering whether he should give this coffee shit another try when he hears the front door slam shut and keys drop onto the coffee table.

He freezes momentarily before cautiously calling out ‘Jon?’ in an unusually high voice. A grunt responds.

He proceeds to jump up from the cold laminate and rush through the doorway and out into the lounge where he hesitates, taking in the long missed view of his best friend. Jon looks tired and he’s wearing the same jeans as last Friday although it’s paired with an unfamiliar t-shirt, which Brendon guesses he must have borrowed from Spencer.

He stands by the sofa in his familiar flip flops with crossed arms and an exasperated and annoyed but slightly exhausted expression paints his rugged features.

Brendon’s lip instantly juts out into his trademark ‘I fucked up big time but you love me anyway’ pout and he drops his gaze down to the floor, shuffling his bare feet uncomfortably.

‘I’m sorry.’ He says in a surprising strong voice before raising his head and looking Jon in the eye.

The room is silent for a moment before Jon jerks his head in what looks like a nod. ‘I know.’ He says calmly.

And then all of a sudden he is knocked back onto the couch, limbs splaying everywhere as a pair of lightly toned arms wrap around his waist and squeeze the life from him. Jon laughs and rubs the familiar mop of dark hair smiling.

‘You should…’ Jon starts and Brendon looks up at him, wide-eyed, waiting for Jon Walker’s wisdom to be poured upon him. ‘Alex.’

Brendon blushes and averts his eyes but nods in understanding at the unspoken word.

Apologise.

Jon bites his lip and allows the silence to sit for a while. ‘So, how’s Steve?’

\- - -

Wednesday is a good day. Brendon only has to work for another 2 ½ weeks and they are ahead of schedule on the work anyway. The night previous Jon had revised his work schedule with Brendon to find a good time to catch Alex when he would most likely be in a good mood and without one of the scary friends he has who often come in for coffee.

They agreed that Saturday evening was probably a good time because Alex’s friends had to work down at the new bar (another place Brendon would have to avoid in the near future then) and Alex didn’t start his shift until late afternoon.

Spencer is once again sharing his glorious smiles with Brendon and there was lemonade waiting for them on the steps when they had arrived at the SAS that morning. As well as a young woman he had managed to tumble into.

(‘Greta,’ she said and stuck a soft hand out, ‘The maid.’

‘Brendon,’ he replied taking the hand in his and unleashing a bright grin on the poor, blonde hair, soft curls girl. ‘The gardener.’)

In fact, he was feeling so good that he could almost forget the fact that right now he was listening to Gabe blab on about bloody William Beckett. Apparently, last night they had gone on a ‘date’, which wasn’t technically a date but it was just the two of them so it counts as a date.

‘Totally.’ Brendon agreed breezily, not really listening while he concentrated on stripping unnecessary branches from the bushes that had arrived this morning so they were ready to be planted.

‘I mean, we’ve kissed and everything so he can’t exactly misinterpret the situation can he? And he asked me, not anybody else, just me. And he bought me a drink and he was smiling like all night and he kept cocking his hips and, fuck, he has good hips like seriously Bren. Hips.’

Brendon simply nodded along and chewed the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. Over the top of his sunglasses he could see Spencer choking back laughter as he raked leaves off the grass.

Pete hadn’t shown up and that worries Brendon. He hasn’t seen Pete since that night at the club. It is almost like he’s avoiding them. Which is weird and paranoid for Brendon to think but it just doesn’t seem right.

It had been slightly awkward in the Stump’s lecture yesterday, not that he would have noticed. He was oblivious to the fact that both Brendon and Gabe knew about him and Pete. And they sort of want to keep it that way.

Joe suddenly appearing in front of him, clothed in a tight black t-shirt and muddy jogging bottoms, broke Brendon from his thoughts. ‘Hey Bren, you done with that yet?’ He asks, eyes flickering to the bush.

‘Uh yeah. Yeah.’ Brendon says with a quick smile while handing the foliage off to Joe. He watches the boys retreating back before turning to Gabe. ‘Sorry you were saying?’

Gabe is strangely silent, staring off past Brendon and over at the grand house. Brendon raises an eyebrow and clears his throat but still fails to gain his friends attention and so instead he turns towards the distraction and freezes.

A familiar looking tall, skinny man with shoulder length curls is striding up the pathway leading to the large double doors and the front of the house. He pauses and tucks a lock of hair behind his ear before gingerly knocking on the door.

Brendon glances back over to Gabe and finds his usually cocky smirk is absent and in its place is a pair of tightly pressed lips and a sheet pale face.

Fucking William Beckett Brendon thinks.

The door opens and William smiles shyly and accepts a hug from slim arms before stepping inside. The door closes without Brendon or Gabe catching a glimpse of who greeted him, but there are bigger matters on hand.

‘I think Jon says his shift was ending early today so we should go get coffee now in case we miss him.’ Brendon says quickly.

Gabe sends him an appreciative nod. Brendon knows Gabe doesn’t like to dwell on things, but he even less likes people to try and comfort him.

He’ll leave Gabe to sort it out on his own.

\- - -

Brendon thought he was stronger than this but apparently by Thursday morning he has fucking had it. It is bad enough that he has to sit through one of Stump’s endless rambling lectures with only the ability to send the occasional glare in his stupid professor’s direction as a comfort, but now he also has a moping lecture buddy who sighs every couple of seconds and thinks he can cover up his disaster zone hair with a bright purple hoody. Well, the hoody is a regular occurrence, but surely Gabe knows better than to fuck his hair up like that.

So when the lecture finishes Brendon grabs his friend by the arm and barely spares a glance towards his white, drawn face before tugging him down the steps, past Stump with one final glare and out the door.

Eventually Gabe seems to wake up enough to realise that he is no longer in class and is being dragged out of the building and in the direction of his apartment which is weird because normally they would be heading over to the SAS right now or maybe going out for coffee with Pete but he also notices that Pete is absent from the situation which is even more confusing and now his mind is thinking overtime because it finally got off the thought track of WilliamWilliamWilliam it had been stuck on for the past day.

‘What?’ Is the only word Gabe can force from his chapped lips but it’s enough to force Brendon to pause and glance back at Gabe before halting and turning to face the boy completely.

‘You’re moping. And it’s fucking depressing Gabe. You deserve better than some two-timing shit so we are going to party it up and you are going to fucking love it because you are Gabe fucking Master of the Bedroom Saporta!’ Brendon finishes, gasping for breath after his small rant.

Gabe’s eyes widen momentarily before he nods and allows himself to be dragged off once again.

\- - -

Great. Brendon thinks, mentally slapping himself in his stupid face. Fucking great.

When he decided to drag Gabe out for a night on the town after spending almost 4 hours locked in Gabe’s tiny, cluttered bathroom getting dolled up, he didn’t even stop to consider the fact that the new club Brendon had selected to visit once again (because this is the only place neither Spencer or Jon would think to look for him after the disastrous events last time he came, and he has also since learnt that the place is called ‘Nightscape’ which he supposes is fitting and also totally awesome) is home to one William Beckett.

And said William Beckett is already at said club when they arrive, instantly sending Gabe back into a downwards spiral. Luckily he had shoved some oversized and obnoxiously coloured sunglasses on, just before they dashed out the door of his apartment, so they cover most of his sullen face. In fact, if Brendon didn’t know Gabe quite so well he wouldn’t even have noticed the sudden wave of depression.

Nonetheless, Brendon refuses to end his efforts there and convinces himself that the night can only get better from here on and, in turn, manages to convince Gabe the same.

‘Just ignore him dude,’ Brendon reminds Gabe, ‘he’s not fucking worth it.’ And then they both drift over to the bar because Brendon knows that alcohol always calms Gabe down and allows him to flow free and wild and maybe find some poor stranger to educate on the ways of the cobra because god knows Brendon has heard that speech enough.

Brendon asks for 2 beers and the bartender gives him a sharp nod, eyes narrowing slightly when he takes a proper look at Brendon almost as though he just realised who he is actually serving. And then oh, Brendon thinks, because he’s pretty sure that Alex introduced them on That Night and so by deduction, Nate and Alex must be friends and therefor he probably knows the whole shitty story which is kind of crappy because enough people are pissed at Brendon as it is thanks.

Now that he thinks about it the bouncer (Ryland Brendon thinks, another of Alex’s acquaintances) had almost grudgingly let them in, not that Brendon was paying an awful lot of attention to anything but his friend at the particular time.

Gabe obviously notices as he pushes his glasses down, bringing his dull eyes into sight just long enough to give Brendon a pointed look and a sharp, raised eyebrow before Nate returns with the beers and disappears back down the bar giving Brendon one last quick glare.

However Gabe’s expression is carefully hidden once again as familiar music starts up in the background, causing his back to tense almost unnoticeably. Brendon sneaks a look over his shoulder, inconspicuously sipping from his beer (after checking it hasn’t been poisoned) and yes, Beckett has now taken to the stage.

Gabe notices his distraction and turns also, following his line of sight over to the stage and finding himself looking straight into one smiling William Beckett’s eyes. And Gabe knows that smile is all for him because William (Bill, Gabe unconsciously thinks) is looking straight at him and it makes him shift uncomfortably in his seat. He in instantly grateful that he pulled the sunglasses on as it makes dropping the eye contact much easier when one side doesn’t even realise it’s happening.

Gabe’s eye twitches and his lip lifts in a snarl almost and Brendon watches, swallowing in worry. But then Gabe turns his back to the stage and starts sipping his beer again and everything seems fine so Brendon lets it be.

They make idle small talk and ignore the distinct voice twisting perfectly with the melody behind them for a while and get through about 6 beers together until a dark guy with tall, frizzy hair and a very sexy piercing approaches them from the side with a sly smirk.

At first, Brendon thinks oh yay but then he realises that mystery guy isn’t paying him any attention but is more focused on an ignorant Gabe, who is staring too intently at his drink to notice anything but a bomb raid probably.

The guy seems to realise he isn’t going to gain Gabe’s attention anytime soon and so leans over the bar and signals to the waiter for 2 drinks. Brendon raises an eyebrow and tries his best to supress a smirk.

The drinks arrive and Mr Sexy (as Brendon has now dubbed him with his lack of creativity) pushes one towards Gabe, eyes fixed on his lowered head. Gabe sees the movement from the corner of his eye and expects to see Brendon there with a comforting but hesitant smile and instead finds an unfamiliar face which, to be honest, isn’t a particularly bad sight.

‘Bad day?’ Mr Sexy asks, with a small understanding quirk to his mouth.

Gabe takes the drink, fingers briefly brushing the strangers, and replies, ‘Yeah, you could say so.’ And the music is already fading into the background.

\- - -

It’s a couple hours later of Brendon eaves-dropping on his friend’s hushed conversation and swirling on his seat to watch William with a judging eye. To his surprise, when William notices Gabe has company, Brendon sees sadness and even a flash of anger. What’s even more shocking is that William’s gaze stays fixed on the pair as though he is trying to send warning signals telepathically to stay the fuck away from Gabe but neither of them turns towards the stage once.

Brendon has also learnt that the guys name is Travie and he is a musician (or at least studying music, right) and he is actually a pretty decent guy seen as he hasn’t dropped any innuendoes yet and seems actually interested in the crap spewing from Gabe’s mouth (okay, it’s not total crap but Gabe is kind of drunk so he isn’t processing his words but luckily he has only mentioned the cobra once or twice during the whole conversation).

He notices the small touches, the way sometimes when Travie laughs his hand falls on Gabe’s shoulder or forearm for a minute, and sometimes his fingers clench like he is squeezing slightly, reassuringly, as though he knows something is wrong and he wants to help.

He also noticed the way that Gabe doesn’t avoid the touches. He more like leans into them. Sometimes returning them.

It’s no surprise when Gabe turns to Brendon and tells him that he’s going back to Travie’s place because he has the new album for that band Gabe has been obsessing over for a month so Brendon just waves them off and gives Gabe the typical be careful look before watching them stride out the door, oblivious to the way William’s face falls.

Brendon hangs around for a couple more minutes but eventually the glares coming from the bartender get too much so he follows his friend’s example and heads home.

\- - -

Either he becomes more observant or things become more obvious, Brendon isn’t sure which.

For the next couple of days he notices several things. For example, the way that the stranger in the house never actually leaves the house but Brendon always catches sight of him through the many windows. Sometimes it’s almost like the guy (Ryan, Brendon remembers) is watching them.

Or not them so much, but him because when he questions the others they simple say, ‘Dude, are you seeing things?’ or ‘What are you taking?’ and then ‘You should stop taking it.’ And finally ‘Maybe you should give it to me for, you know, safe keeping.’

He also notices that Ryan likes bandanas and wears a different one everyday but they’re always wrapped around his forehead, carelessly holding his deep brown hair out of his young face.

Brendon also sees Spencer far less at the SAS and increasingly more around the apartment, sometimes in only a pair of boxers (and Brendon could swear they were the ones he bought Jon for Christmas last year).

Frank shows him a small corner of the garden already filled with blooming rose bushes and Brendon realises that this is the first time he’s seen Frank all week and that this must be what he and Gerard were working on all that time.

Pete turns up for work again, trying to fill the required hours obviously and Brendon tries to avoid talking to him until Gabe returns.

He knows Travie didn’t kill Gabe because Gabe keeps sending him crazy little text messages that don’t make an awful lot of sense to Brendon but that doesn’t matter because it’s Gabe and he loves Gabe. Brendon would reply and maybe ask about Travie but he has no credit and no money so yeah, kind of sucks.

He starts spending his time working with Mikey who is kind of quiet but in a comfortable way that is different for Brendon but he finds it calming and gets a lot more work done than he does on the odd occasion he’s with Joe and Sisky instead.

Greta greets him every morning when she comes out with lemonade (‘Homemade,’ she tells Brendon with a smile and he kisses her on the cheek when he says thanks because he’s nice like that).

\- - -

Before Brendon knows it, it’s Saturday morning and he has to prepare his apology speech for Alex. Jon says he’ll see him about 6pm and escapes out the door before Brendon makes him practice with him.

Brendon drags himself down to the SAS, ignores Pete’s curious gaze and checks around for a still absent Gabe before heading over to the rose garden to calm himself down.

He crouches down by one of the larger bushes and sighs, slowly stroking over a flowering bud.

‘Beautiful, aren’t they?’ A sweet, feminine voice says from behind him and Brendon jumps up.

Greta sends him an apologetic smile. ‘I watched Gerard and Frank put them in. Even helped out a bit. They’re my favourite flowers, roses.’ She smiles once again, almost absently and strokes over a petal like Brendon was previously.

‘They were my mom’s favourite too.’ Brendon replies and bites his lip. ‘I always kind of liked daisies.’

‘Daisies are meant to represent loyalty. Like loyal love.’

‘Loyal love. Yeah. I like the sound of that. What about roses then?’

Greta gives him a wry smile. ‘Well…’ she starts but is cut off by a voice emerging from behind Brendon.

‘Greta?’ The voice calls and it’s deep and masculine and like honey.

‘Yeah?’ Greta replies, peering over Brendon’s shoulder.

‘I need-‘ Brendon turns and finds none other than the honeycomb-eyed stranger stood behind him, peering at him almost anxiously. Brendon gives an insecure smile and scratches the back of his head, stepping to the side to give Ryan a full view of Greta. ‘I need, uh, milk.’ Ryan finishes, tearing his gaze from Brendon and onto a concerned looking Greta.

‘Is Spencer still truant?’ She asks and he gives a quick nod. Greta sighs. ‘I’ll just run down to the shops, I’ll be back in 30, okay? Think you can survive that long without me?’

Greta skips past Ryan and gives his cheek an affectionate pat, causing them to flush. He watches her figure walk away for a minute before turning back to an awkward Brendon.

Tension drips through the air as the silence stretches.

‘So, I’m Brendon.’ He holds out a cautious hand, watching Ryan’s reaction carefully however the taller boy’s face remains impassive with only a slight quirk to his lips.

‘Ryan.’ He says and grabs the hand, giving it a quick shake before releasing it again, letting his fingers stroke over the pale skin of the other as he does.

Brendon peers up at Ryan and realises that hey, this is the first time I’ve seen Ryan like, not through a window and then damn, he looks pretty good right now…

He feels his face begin to flush at the thought because yeah, Ryan totally does look really hot and Brendon has always had trouble being comprehendible around attractive people so he’s freaking out a little bit. And Ryan’s just looking at him.

‘I should, uh, get back to work.’ Brendon says, and gestures over his shoulder to exaggerate the point that he really needs to get the fuck out of here right now.

‘Yeah.’ Ryan says with a quick nod of the head, clearly thinking the same thing. ‘Yeah, so. Uh. Yeah.’ And then he gives Brendon one more smile and turns sharply back towards the house.

Brendon waits until he’s sure Ryan is out of view before collapsing on the ground and letting out a puff of air.

Awkward.

\- - -

‘The time has come.’ Jon says as Brendon strides over to meet him outside the usual coffee place. Brendon grunts in recognition and runs through his speech once more in his head. Jon pats his back reassuringly before jerking his head towards the door. ‘Let’s get this over with, yeah?’

Brendon knows Jon’s only trying to be kind to him, Jon doesn’t want to ‘just get it over with’, he wants it to be a long, drawn out and possibly even painful experience to ensure that Brendon never pulls any shit like this again but he’s Jon so he’d never actually do that to Brendon or even admit to thinking it.

He holds the smudged glass door open and motions for Brendon to enter ahead of him. Cautiously, he does though and instantly his eyes fly towards the counter. He freezes slightly when he sees Alex hunched over on the counter, focused on a magazine. Brendon hears the door shut behind him after Jon and Alex looks up towards the sound, narrowed eyes focusing on Brendon.

Brendon whimpers slightly attempting to step back and make a quick escape but Jon strong, determined hands are behind him instantly, giving him a small push in the right direction.

He cracks a smile and slowly approaches the counter with a wary expression. Alex straightens up and watches him carefully, face blank and devoid of any clues of how Brendon should go about this.

Brendon takes a deep breathe and looks Alex in the eye. ‘Hi.’ He squeaks out and clears his throat.

‘Can I help you?’ Alex replies simply.

Brendon smiles nervously and drops his eyes to the counter before glancing behind him to shoot Jon a pleading look. All he receives is a thumbs up. He turns back to Alex and says, ‘Can we, uh, talk?’

Alex eyes narrow further but he nods. ‘Like, in private?’ Brendon adds.

Alex seems to consider for a minute before saying, ‘Whatever you want to say you can say it out here.’

Brendon swallows and glances around the coffee shop. Few people are in there are most are sat further towards the back, mostly out of earshot. He turns back to Alex once again and gives him the most charming smile he can. ‘Okay.’

He takes a minute to arrange his thoughts and Alex simply watches him.

‘I’m sorry.’ He says and Alex raises an eyebrow, willing him to continue.

‘I’m sorry I fucked up like that. I shouldn’t have used you. I was wrong and I regret it. It was a mistake. And I’m sorry.’

‘You regret it?’ Alex asks and Brendon’s eyes widen, that wasn’t what he was expecting.

‘Yes. I regret it so much. You didn’t deserve…’

‘You mean I didn’t deserve you? I still don’t deserve you?’ Alex spits with a disbelieving laugh.

‘What? No! No! I meant you didn’t deserve one night, you deserve so much more…’

‘Yeah? Well fuck you, Brendon. Fuck you.’ Alex cuts him off and then picks up the iced latte next to him, tossing it over Brendon who just stands there wet and dripping and shocked, staring at Alex.

Alex gives him one more cruel smile before disappearing into the back. The coffee shop has gone quiet except for Brendon’s laboured breathing. Suddenly, there is a firm hold on his shoulder and he turns towards it, curling himself into Jon’s warm embrace.

Jon holds his shaking friend for a few minutes. ‘Bren?’

‘Yeah?’ Brendon croaks into his chest.

‘Your covering me in coffee too.’ Jon laughs.

‘Oh.’ Brendon replies and moves to release Jon however he maintains a firm hold. ‘It’s fine.’ He says and shoots Brendon a comforting and sympathetic smile. ‘How about we go home and get you into some dry clothes yeah?’

Brendon nods and allows Jon to escort him from the shop, strong arms never leaving his waist.

\- - -

‘Brendon, you have to come out some time!’

Knock knock knock

‘No.’

‘Come on, it’s not like anybody saw Bren!’

16 unread messages

From: Andy  
i have heard that if your wife/husband makes bad coffee, that is grounds for divorce

From: Gerard  
dude I heard u got frapped  
harsh

From: Joe  
wat do u call a cow whos jst givn birth? de-calf-inated!

‘They didn’t have to see to know Jon.’

‘Please?’

‘No.’

\- - -

Stump’s voice is strangely soothing to Brendon. It helps to lull him further into the familiar blanket of sleep he has been devoid of for the last few days because hello, he had coffee thrown at him and that wasn’t fun so basically he’s been freaking out. Or maybe the coffee seeped into his skin and so he has actually been kept awake by caffeine rush.

But anyway, he’s half asleep in his lecture and Gabe keeps sneaking looks at him with a small smile playing on his lips. He wonders if he should wake his friend or not because he looks kind of adorable and dopey when he’s tired but Stump is going to realise sooner or later and Brendon hates being yelled at.

Having made his decision, Gabe leans over with a sigh and plants a kiss on Brendon’s neck, including a small flick of the tongue.

Brendon jolts up and Gabe backs away, suppressing a smirk as Brendon glares freely at him.

‘So I heart you got frappachinoed.’ Gabe whispers with a devious eyebrow wiggle.

‘It was an iced latte.’ Brendon snaps back and huffs out a breath, resting his forehead against his hand, which massages his temples soothingly.

‘Fuckever brov. The point is, Alex didn’t take it too good.’ Gabe replies and Brendon shoots him a ‘shut up’ look, which is promptly ignored. ‘Come on, he’s probably just sour because he had a taster of that delicious little ass of yours and now he wants more but your denying him. Am I right.’

Brendon snarls in his throat.

‘So when I was pissed at Bill-‘

‘Bill?’ Brendon cuts in.

‘William.’ Gabe replies and Brendon makes an o shape with his mouth. ‘Anyway, when I was pissed you found Travie for me and that helped, so maybe you just need to find somebody for Alex, y’know?’

Brendon sighs and nods his head slightly. He knows. If Alex found somebody else to pull his puppy dog eyes on then maybe he’d leave Brendon the fuck alone. Maybe Gabe should have told him this BEFORE he got coffee thrown on him.

‘So what’s up with you and… Travie anyway man?’ Brendon asks, blinking sleepily. ‘Are you just like fucking or are you totally in love.’ He smiles because he knows what Gabe is like when he finds a guy he swears to be ‘the one’.

‘What?’ Gabe says, eyes widened, but then comprehension dawns. ‘Oh no. No. No. No. It’s not like that. We didn’t even fuck. We’re just friends.’ Brendon gives him a disbelieving look. ‘No seriously! That night after the club we just went back to his place and played video games and crap and then, get this Bren, we got talking and it turns out he knows Bill!

‘Apparently they dated a while back. But he told me that as far as he knows Bill isn’t with anybody but he is doing collaboration with a local musician called Ryan so I googled it and it turns out that Ryan is the guy that owns the SAS!’

Gabe smiles in a ridiculously pleased way and waits for Brendon’s congratulations but he’s too busy thinking over the new information on Ryan he was just provided with.

Ryan is a dark, curly haired, doe eyed, bandana-wearing musician with a giant house, which he never leaves, and a giant garden that he hired a bunch of college kids to sort out. Brendon honestly doesn’t even know what to think.

Suddenly a bony elbow is stabbing him in the side while Gabe whispers frantically in his ear, ‘Dude! There’s Pete!’

Brendon whips his attention down to the front of the lecture halls where, sure enough, Pete Wentz is scuttling in through the door and over to Stump’s desk. He leans down and quietly says something to the professor before dropping something into his hand.

Seeing his friend causes a sharp stabbing sensation in his stomach because Brendon has missed Pete. So much. He has missed the quirky comments and the loud laughter and the crazy grins and everything that makes Pete, Pete.

He heads back over to the door with a quick pace but pauses just before he exits and glances over to Brendon and Gabe’s regular seats looking vaguely guilty.

When he is gone and Stump has picked up where he left off on his speech about compost, Gabe leans over one final time. ‘We should talk to him.’

And then Gabe focuses on the front of the room, leaving Brendon to ponder if they really should.

\- - -

Brendon figures that if he’s going to get the low down on Ryan, the best way to do it is to ask some questions. At first he thinks of Spencer but then he remembers that Spencer is under the best friend contract and will therefor not disclose any information to Brendon.

Then he thinks of William because Gabe said they were collaborating together so they must know each other vaguely but then he remembers he hasn’t ever actually spoken to the guy.

There is Greta but she works for Ryan so that could be like conflict of interest.

And then he gets kind of stuck because he hasn’t ever seen anybody else associate with Ryan.

But then he remembers Jon. Because boyfriend rights go above and beyond best friend confidentiality. He just has to find a way to pry Spencer away from him.

\- - -

Amazingly when Brendon gets back to the apartment that night, Jon is already there. But the best part is that Spencer is nowhere to be seen. Brendon scours the apartment and then does a small victory dance in his room before creeping into the lounge and dropping onto the sofa next to Jon who instantly moves over to give him room and slings the arm not currently occupied by beer around Brendon’s shoulders.

Brendon makes a content noise and settles down; pretending to watch the episode of CSI Jon is engrossed with. But secretly he is planning how to bring up the topic of Ryan inconspicuously. The lack of Spencer seems to be a good place to start.

‘So where’s Spencey-pie?’ Brendon asks casually.

‘Spencey-pie?’ Jon asks with a raised eyebrow.

‘Oh don’t play clueless, I’ve heard you exchanging creepy pet names Jonny!’

Jon simply grunts. ‘So, where is he?’ Brendon repeats.

‘Apparently Ryan’s having some kind of creative crisis so Spencer’s presence was required to stop him snapping all his guitars in half and setting fire to everything.’ Jon answers still focused intently on the television.

Jon was making this so easy. He was basically doing Brendon’s job for him.

‘So, have you ever met Ryan?’ Brendon asks, sneaking a sip of Jon’s bear.

‘Uh. One time, yeah. When Spencer left his keys at Ryan’s place. He was pretty shy though. He just came out to ask what was going on and to tell Spencer that he was out of pop tarts.’

‘Why would Spencer want to know which food he was low on?’ Brendon asks, vaguely confused.

‘Ryan’s kind of like a kid. Apparently sometimes he gets so wrapped up in his music he forgets to eat so Spencer has to go and force food onto him. He’s always had other people to look out for him so I guess he never really needed to do anything for himself.’

‘Oh.’ Brendon says, slowly processing the information. ‘So if he’s like a musician and obviously a successful one because look at his fucking massive house, how come I didn’t recognise him?’

‘Uh. Well. I don’t think he’s a very public person. Like. I don’t think he really does any tours. ‘Ryan Ross’ is only written real small on the inside of his album too, so probably most people just assumed ‘Relapse’ was his real name. Obviously they have some kind of brain tumour.’ Jon says with an amused chuckle.

‘Wait so. Let me get this straight. His name is Ryan Ross but he uses the name Relapse for his album? So nobody has any fucking idea who Ryan Ross actually is? Like at all?’

Jon shrugs in response. ‘I guess.’

‘But what’s the point in being famous if nobody even knows who you are?’

Jon just shrugs again and turns back to the television.

Brendon stares at nothing at wonders what the fuck is going on.

\- - -

Tuesday morning and Brendon is slaving away, preparing a newly built flower bed for the daisies arriving that afternoon. His arms are kind of achy and he has soil clogging up his nose and he’s heard every coffee joke on the earth at least 5 times by now but he can’t help the soft smile on his face.

Since Brendon refuses to set foot in another coffee establishment ever again, Spencer is out on a coffee run leaving Brendon on his own. Sisky and Mikey are planting trees down by the south gates, Joe is nowhere to be seen, Gabe is out with Bill (who had texted him yesterday asking if they could meet up for lunch and talk), Frank and Gerard are, well, Brendon doesn’t know where they are but he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to by the way they were undressing each other with their eyes earlier and Pete is around somewhere. Not that Brendon cares because he is still boycotting his friend.

Brendon stabs the fork into the grass and wipes the back of his hand over his sweaty forehead, flicking the wet bangs out of his face. He looks around, surveying the area and yeah. They’ve done a pretty fucking amazing job is he says so himself.

And then out of the corner of his eye he spots something hazel and his gaze flickers towards it. In the window just to the right of the flower bed Brendon is stood next to is Ryan Ross.

His eyes seem to widen when they catch Brendon’s and his cheeks colour slightly when he realises he has been caught watching but Brendon just grins and drags his face out into that expression that always makes Gabe piss himself laughing.

And it seems to work because next thing he knows Ryan Ross’ adorable little cheeks are bright red and he is biting down on his bottom lip in a totally cute way. But it draws Brendon’s attention to his pink, perfect lips and Brendon thinks oh, because they are really nice lips. His heart seems to flutter a little bit and his own face reddens a little in response.

But then Ryan’s eyes flicker over Brendon’s shoulder and then he scuttles from view.

Brendon frowns for a moment before he feels a soft tap on his shoulder and when he turns around Pete is stood there with a slightly nervous expression, chewing on his bottom lip, and Brendon can’t help but think how much more seductive it was when Ryan did it.

‘Uh, hey.’ Pete says cautiously.

‘Hi.’ Brendon replies coldly, feeling the grin slip off his face as he remembers Gabe’s words- we should talk to him.

‘So, uh, do you wanna go get coffee?’ Pete asks.

‘Well, uh, Spencer already went so-‘

‘Actually I told him to skip our orders.’ Pete cuts in with a sheepish grin.

‘Oh.’ Brendon replies dumbly. ‘I’ve got a lot of work to do anyway…’

‘I actually found this little café just down the road. It’s vegan but it’s pretty good.’ Pete says, reading Brendon’s mind. Because seriously, fuck him if he was going back to Starbucks.

With a sigh Brendon nods dejectedly and thinks might as well get this over with. Then he remembers the last time he thought that and how well that really didn’t turn out.

\- - -

The place Pete brings him to is actually pretty nice. It’s a small place, huddled into the corner of 2 fairly unpopular streets but it has a nice, classy feel to it. The outside is painted a classic barber shop stripe pattern in brown with one large window allowing potential customers to look in. The interior consists mainly of mismatching but totally comfy sofas and the walls alternate between coffee brown and a pale green. The counter is wooden with only a small glass case at the side and to Brendon it looks like it would fit better in the old book store he walks past sometimes on the way to class but that just makes It even more special.

Brendon really likes it. In fact, it might be his new favourite place.

He follows Pete up to the counter and peers around the small room in slight awe.

‘Hey Pete, what can I get for you?’ Says a cheery voice and Brendon swivels his head towards the skinny guy manning the till. He’s only slightly taller than Brendon and his black hair swoops down to his shoulders. His bangs partly obscure his face but the slight fluff on his chin and his friendly smile are still in plain view. Brendon can’t help but smile in response.

‘Hey Shane. Can we get 2 medium lattes?’ Pete replies with a charming smile of his own and then when Shane’s eyes flicker to Brendon he adds, ‘Oh, and this is Brendon.’

‘Hey.’ Shane says while he starts preparing the drinks and Brendon lifts a hand in a sort of wave while still absorbed in taking in the new atmosphere.

Pete pays for both of them (‘I insist Urie’) and when Shane slides the drinks over his sleeves, which were already rolled up to his elbows (another thing that just made Brendon love this random stranger even more), lift up a little further revealing a trail of tattoos leading up his arms.

No wonder Pete likes him, they’re like tattoo buddies.

They go over to the back and occupy a pair of sofas and Pete glances around anxiously, obviously thinking of a way to start the conversation they were bound to have.

Meanwhile, Brendon takes in the other customers. Most of them look like the everyday kind of strangers that you pass on the street but a few stick out. One girl has bright pink hair and even pinker lipstick along with a tight, ruffled skirt that barely covers anything and bright red boots, the clunky kind that you can always hear coming.

Another guy has his black hood pulled tight over his white, blond hair and his eyes shoot around the shop, glaring at everyone in a way that has Brendon shivering slightly. He has a small silver ring wrapped around his lip and his tongue keeps sneaking out to poke it in a way that is almost entrancing.

‘So,’ Pete says, swinging Brendon’s attention back around to him. ‘I’m not sure what I did but. Um. So. Yeah. You’ve been, uh, avoiding me? I guess? And I just wanted to.’ Pete sighs in annoyance. ‘Look I just fucking miss you okay so could you tell me what I’ve done so I can apologise and we can stop fucking around like this.’ He finally rushes out.

Brendon’s eyes widen slightly at the outburst before he coughs awkwardly and glances around again. ‘Uh,’ he starts and falters. He hadn’t planned how to confront Pete about it.

Brendon makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and then sighs. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about Stump?’

Pete’s eye widen this time as shock at Brendon’s knowledge flood him. ‘Uh, what do you mean?’ He asks, playing dumb.

Brendon simply raises an eyebrow and let’s out a single disbelieving laugh. ‘I mean you’re fucking my professor, Pete.’ Well that wasn’t how he meant to say it. Too late now.

Pete almost squeals as his mouth turns downwards in horror. So he does know. ‘I. I just. You know. We. I didn’t. I didn’t know.’

‘What, you never connected the two all the times me and Gabe would talk about Stump? How many people do you think have a name like that? Seriously.’

‘His name’s Patrick.’ Pete snarls, instantly regretting it. He sighs. ‘Look. I’m sorry okay. I didn’t realise, I didn’t think it was a big deal. I didn’t know if it was serious, that’s why I didn’t tell you.’

‘And now…’ Brendon probes carefully, fingers running around the rim of his drink.

‘Yeah. It’s. It’s pretty serious.’ Pete replies with a small smile.

Brendon scrutinises his friend for a minute. It’s hard to not see the pure happiness hidden in Pete’s eyes, the obvious contentment with everything, with life and suddenly Brendon feels bad. This guy, Patrick, obviously makes him happy. What kind of friend would he be to deny Pete of that. Afterall, isn’t that what Brendon has been craving for years now.

‘Alright.’ He finally sighs out and Pete glances up.

‘Alright?’ Pete echoes cautiously.

‘Alright.’ Brendon nods and smiles, causing Pete to do the same.

They both sit and bask in the quiet for a small while, gently sipping their drinks before Pete speaks up again. ‘So, how did you. I mean, when did you…’

‘How did I find out?’ Brendon finishes for him and Pete nods. ‘Nightscape. I saw you together. The Saturday before last.’

‘Oh. Yeah.’ Pete says nodding again and then he seems to realise something. ‘I heard about Alex man. I’m sorry-‘

‘What are you apologising for?’ Brendon asks with a small laugh. ‘I’m the one who fucked him over.’

Pete flinches slightly. ‘Yeah but. If I was around it wouldn’t have happened. And even if I hadn’t been able to stop that preceding, I could have at least taken the coffee shot for you. You know. Taking one for the team and everything.’ Pete grins and Brendon thumps him in the arm.

‘Thanks man.’ He adds and leans back in his ultra comfy sofa.

‘So we good?’ Pete asks and Brendon nods.

‘Yeah. Of course.’

‘Awesome. So. Um. I was wondering. Like. Me and Pat-‘

‘Pat?’ Brendon cuts in with a knowing smile.

‘Yeah. Pat. We were gonna go to Nightscape tonight. So. Uh. You could come too. If you wanted. I mean. He’s a really great guy and everything-‘

‘Yeah. Sure.’ Brendon cuts in again and can’t help but feel slightly warmer inside when he sees Pete’s face light up in response.

\- - -

Patrick buys Brendon 3 beers and volunteers to be his karaoke partner, even after Brendon previously dragged him onto the dance floor just in time for Electric Six’s ‘Gay Bar’ (and really, Brendon gets wild on that one).

Yeah. Patrick is a really great guy.

\- - -

When Brendon wakes up it feels like somebody is bashing him in the head with about 40 hammers while simultaneously sawing at his throat and punching him in the gut. Yeah. It kind of really fucking sucks.

He climbs out of bed and vaguely notes that he is in fact naked (he’ll think about the implications of that later) before pulling on some discarded boxers and wobbling over to the door.

When he makes it into the kitchen, he instantly stumbles over to the coffee machine and jabs the ‘on button’. He waits a minute for the tell-tale grinding sound to tell him that coffee time is soon but it doesn’t come. So he waits a little longer then he presses the button again and waits and pushes it and pushes it and pushes it then he checks that it is indeed plugged in then pushes it again.

But still no coffee.

He is effectively shaking it to death when he hears soft foot fall behind him and a warm, tired voice says from behind him, ‘You’re out of coffee.’ And then he hears the fridge open and the clank of glass bottles and a quite glug. Normally Brendon would twirl around and tell them not to drink straight from the carton because that’s Brendon’s thing and he doesn’t want other people germing his juice up but he’s half dead and he has just realised that the person is Spencer who would just tell him to fuck off or shrug or do something equally infuriating.

Brendon places Steve carefully back onto the counter and listens to Spencer pad out of the kitchen and back down the hallway, into Jon’s room. He musters up the energy to find the sofa and drop onto it, closing his eyes and allowing his mouth to loll open.

Some imperceptible amount of time later, Jon and Spencer tumble into the lounge. Brendon feels a weight on his shoulder and then he’s being shaken awake.

‘What?’ He drawls, blinking his eyes open wearily and flinching at the sudden flood of light.

‘We’re heading out for my shift.’ Jon says quietly, stroking a hand through Brendon’s hair.

‘The Starbucks one?’ Brendon asks.

Jon chuckles. ‘No, the NASA Spaceport one you moron.’

‘Shhh. Too early.’ Brendon whispers but then his brain connects the word ‘Starbucks’ to the word ‘coffee’ and then everything is fine again. ‘Give me a minute. I’ll come with.’ He says before rolling off the sofa and crawling back to his room, Spencer and Jon holding back laughter as they watch his ass wiggle away.

\- - -

Brendon is slowly sinking into his nice, squishy comfy chair. Starbucks isn’t technically open yet so he’s free to occupy the big sofa on his own and Jon set the music on low so he can slowly drift off to sleep again, maybe. He has a giant vanilla latte in one hand and he’s using the other to shield his eyes from the light pouring in through the window next to him.

He hears Jon humming along to some Radiohead song that Brendon is too tired to identify when something really heavy drops onto his legs making him yelp and recoil, shaking his mug causing it to slosh over the rim and spill onto the floor.

Brendon frowns at Spencer because he knows he will be the one Jon yells at for getting coffee on the carpet and maybe make him clean it up even though he does it terribly every time and Jon has to redo it (‘it’s the principal,’ Jon says, ‘also you missed a spot.’).

Spencer simply smirks back and makes himself comfy in the now unoccupied side of the sofa just as Jon plops down into the armchair opposite them.

‘All ready?’ Spencer asks.

‘Yeah. Just gotta wait for the ants to come crawling in.’ Jon replies with a sigh, resting his head on his hand.

‘Maybe it would help if you changed the sign to ‘open’.’ Spencer comments.

‘No. I still have 3 minutes of peace before 9am and no way am I giving those up just so some caffeine junkie can get his fix before he goes into the first stage of withdrawal.’

Spencer giggles while Brendon groans. He feels for the addicts. He barely ever has coffee but he still feels shitty without it. He can’t even imagine how they must feel.

Jon is cruel for denying them what they need most. What Brendon needs most is a cookie. Surely Jon wouldn’t deny HIM a cookie.

‘I want a cookie.’ Brendon mumbles and shoots Jon his best pleading look.

Jon just keeps his hand over his eyes and shoots back, ‘good to know.’

‘Jooooon,’ Brendon whines, ‘Could I please have a delicious cookie? Maybe one with smarties in?’

Jon picks up the cushion beside him and throws it at Brendon’s head. He misses.

Just then the bell above the door rings, signalling the entrance of a customer and Jon’s head shoots up, planning to tell whoever it is that they don’t open for another 2 minutes so could you please wait outside but he pauses and his mouth snaps shut, eyebrow furrowing.

Brendon can’t muster up the energy to turn around and see who it is but the effort is saved anyway by Spencer saying, ‘Ryan?’ in a clearly confused tone.

‘You didn’t come by to pick up the first demo.’ A silky voice says, completely devoid of any emotion except echoing Spencer’s confusion.

‘That’s because it’s Wednesday.’ Spencer says with a small smile and a chuckle. Brendon rolls his head to the side and indeed, Ryan Ross is stood there, equipped with trademark bandana and a tight leather jacket paired with a frown.

‘Oh.’ Ryan says. Then his eyes flicker over to Brendon whose own gaze was fixed on the taller’s mouth. Brendon flushes slightly and looks away.

Spencer notices Ryan’s gaze and says quickly, ‘Oh yeah. Ryan this is Brendon, Brendon this is Ryan.’

‘I know.’ Ryan answers in a blank voice and Brendon finds it strangely annoying.

‘Oh.’ Spencer replies in surprise this time. ‘So, um, did you already talk to him about…’

‘No.’ Ryan cuts in with a frantic shake of the head. ‘No.’

Brendon shoots Spencer a confused look. ‘Talk to me about what?’ He asks, redirecting his gaze to a sheepish looking Ryan.

‘Nothing.’ Ryan says firmly and looks away.

‘Well I better get to work.’ Jon says standing up and striding over to the door, turning the sign over and then heading over to the counter where he slips on the tacky green apron.

‘I thought Alex was on shift with you?’ Spencer says, following him over with Ryan in tow. Brendon tenses slightly. He doesn’t need any more clothes smelling of coffee, it took 3 tries to get the scent out the previous time.

‘No. Keltie is supposed to be coming in at about half past.’

Jon begins prepping the supplies while Brendon sits quietly, listening to the faint hum of music as he discretely watches Ryan and Spencer converse. Ryan’s mouth is permanently set in a small frown and Spencer looks slightly exasperated. There eyes dodge over to Brendon and they both pause when they find him watching.

Ryan says one last thing and then disappears out the door and down the road in a rush. Brendon watches him go with a sigh.

\- - -

Brendon’s a little bored and pissy because Spencer blanks him out whenever he tries to ask about what Ryan hasn’t talked to him about (and he has a right to be really because, hello, if it’s about him he deserves to know right) and Jon isn’t telling him anything either though Brendon suspects that’s because he honestly doesn’t know himself.

So in the lecture hall the next day when Gabe taps Brendon on the shoulder he knows it’s the regular announcement of one of Gabe’s crazy house parties which he would normally at least attempt to avoid but this time he has never been more grateful for the distraction.

‘Smoke up at mine tonight, 8.30pm sharp. You in?’ Gabe asks with a wink.

Brendon instantly butts in, ‘Yes.’ And shoots a quick but wide grin at his friend who smiles in satisfaction.

\- - -

When Brendon really stops to notice, the SAS is pretty quiet nowadays unlike in the early weeks when they were first getting started and it was hectic destruction and not really knowing or trusting anyone. And in that way, Brendon thinks it’s sort of like war.

He’s formed allies and probably made life long friends. He’s witnessed hate and love and the creation of something beautiful out of a wasteland. But then he remembers that if it was war they’d all have been killed 4 times over so he quickly drops the idea.

Spencer knocks him from his thoughts by slapping his shoulder as he walks by. Brendon quickly regains his balance, leaning against the shovel he was previously leaning against.

‘Get your head out of your ass Urie!’ Spencer calls back but he’s got a smile on his face so Brendon doesn’t put too much venom into his ‘shut up’.

He heads over to the store shed and checks down the schedule before replacing his shovel with a pair of handy gloves. The walk over to the area that needs weeding is pretty long and it’s a hot day so Brendon tucks the gloves into the back pocket of his jeans and allows his sunglasses to drop from his forehead over his eyes.

When he reaches a particularly large patch of ground that needs much attention he pauses and drops to his knees. He’s just about to pull the gloves on when he hears rustling from a large bush to his right.

It sounds too big to merely be a rabbit (which are pains anyway because they dig the whole garden up) so Brendon deduces it either a fox or a badger, both of which are banned as they kill the bird Spencer insists are crucial to the atmosphere.

He stands up and carefully makes his way over to the bush, cautious not to make any noise. Brendon reaches out and pulls one of the larger branches to the side, revealing a patch of red hair dodging around in the space. He’s just about to reach out and grab and fox when it moans instantly causing him to screech and retreat from the bush. A few muttered curses are heard and then two bodies come tumbling out looking severely dishevelled.

‘What the fuck?’ Brendon squeals. He really didn’t need to see that, thanks.

‘Um. Sorry?’ Frank says with a very not sorry but instead slightly smug grin while Gerard avoids Brendon’s eyes sheepishly.

‘Okay. Yeah. Just. Don’t. Um. Yeah.’ Brendon rambles and backs away slowly until he has distanced himself enough. He turns around, shaking his head and tries to dispel the image of Gerard and Frank from his head.

He reaches into his back pocket, ready to pull his gloves on and distract himself with work in a different area of the garden (he probably won’t ever be able to go near that part again) but he finds his pocket empty and the gloves gone.

‘Crap.’ He says and pauses his walking. They were the last decent pair left in the shed and no way is he going back to the scene of the crime to fetch them. He’s just about to turn and slump back to the shed when a hand firmly grasps his shoulder causing him to jump.

‘Hey, sorry, but, um, you work here right?’ A guy Brendon doesn’t recognise asks him and he nods cautiously because he sort of does. ‘Great. So can you take this in? You don’t need to sign for it or anything, just, yeah.’ He thrusts a parcel into Brendon’s arms and calls out a thanks as he disappears round the side of the house.

Brendon watches the delivery van pull away with a stunned expression because he honestly has no idea what just happened. He does, however, seem to connect the parcel with the house and that would involve him being near the house, at the door preferably, so he walks around the corner and up the path towards the front door.

He shifts the parcel (big, square but surprising light) onto his left hip, supporting it with his left arm as he knocks with his right.

He waits a minute. No answer.

He knocks again, slightly more forceful this time, and when no answer comes he checks the small arch over the door for a doorbell or something but he comes up empty.

He knocks once more and calls out a ‘hello?’ He pauses for a moment and thinks through his options. He could leave the parcel at the door but then it could be stolen or something. He could go find Spencer but the garden’s a big place and he’d rather not carry this thing around.

So the third option, he decides, is probably the best. He hesitantly opens the door and steps inside slowly, eyes darting around and looking for a place to set the parcel down so he can get the fuck out of there.

He walks further inside, taking in the classic decorating. The hallway ceiling is a high arch and Brendon thinks he spots a chandelier a bit further down. The walls are a pale green but are covered in various paintings and a few framed records.

The first door he comes to on his right is already open. He calls out another cautious ‘hello?’ receiving no reply still so he steps into the room and glances around anxiously.

There are a few sofas strewn around and some guitars ad what Brendon thinks is a ukulele perched against a small wooden cupboard. He spots a table and quickly heads over to it, placing the package on the glass surface.

He turns and is ready to head out the door when from the corner of his eye a mirror catches his eye. It’s not the mirror itself but rather what’s reflected that draws his attention so he spins in the opposite direction and comes face to face with a beautiful baby grand piano.

Although music held great interest for Brendon, he’d never really taken part in it much as his parents thought it was a waste of time. He does, however, remember his mother spending entire afternoons teaching him to play the piano. Mainly religious hymns or small melodies but sometimes he would play his own pieces that he’d make up on the spot or try to recreate a song his friend, Brent, had been listening to earlier that day.

Brendon glances around the room hesitantly once more before slowly sitting himself on the piano bench and running his fingers softly over the keys, not pressing hard enough to make sound but just enough to be able to feel the familiar weight.

He presses one finger down and listens to the noted echo in the silence. His mouth quirks up at the sides as he repeats the action. He positions his right hand over the keys and plays them in quick succession, bringing his left hand up to join them and before he knows it he’s diving into one of his favourite songs his mother used to plat with him and it’s just as easy as he remembers.

And then the music slows and spreads into open space, Brendon’s mind dictating the next note, next movement, playing something new and original and his and he likes the thought. That this music is his.

He sees something move from the corner of his eye and startles, the music coming to a halt. Ryan is stood in the doorway, head tilted to the side and eyes wide and open. His hair isn’t tied back by the usual bandana but it wild and messy around his face and all he’s wearing is a pair of grey pyjama bottoms riding too low on his hips and the fabric rubs together making a scratchy sound when he takes a step further into the room.

Brendon snaps out of his daze and jumps up exclaiming, ‘Oh shit, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was… You were sleeping, I, I’m sorry. Really. I’ll just.’

Ryan smiles a small secretive smile, clearly amused by Brendon’s stuttering and shakes his head causing Brendon’s tongue to skid to a halt.

‘That was beautiful.’ Ryan says in his smooth monotone but this time there’s some emotion thrown in there and it makes Brendon feel sort of special, privileged.

‘Um. Thanks. Yeah. Thanks.’ Brendon says blushing slightly and scratching the back of his head awkwardly because he’s stood in this (rich and hot and talented and pretty and kind of perfect) stranger’s house (mansion) in his dirty, mud-splattered, torn jeans with messy hair from combing his hand through it too much and he’s basically just trespassed and then helped himself to Ryan’s stuff and so this doesn’t look so good on him.

But Ryan’s being nice and his gaze into accusing but open and curious and it makes Brendon hopeful that maybe he’s not about to be punched. He could probably take Ryan anyway. The shirtless state leaves Ryan’s perfectly flat, white stomach easily visible, especially the few protruding ribs and. Oh. He’s shirtless.

Brendon’s gaze instantly flicks back up to Ryan’s face as his blush deepens.

‘Uh…’ Brendon trails off, not really sure what to do because Ryan isn’t saying anything and he’s not sure if he should leave but Ryan’s blocking the door.

‘Play me something.’ Ryan says and glides over to the sofa facing the piano and folds himself up, watching Brendon eagerly.

‘Um. Okay.’ Brendon says slightly confused because Ryan’s the musician (famous and successful musician) here and not him but he retakes his seat regardless.

He replaces his hands on the keys and pauses, glancing over at Ryan. ‘Um, anything is particular or…’

Ryan thinks for a moment, just looking at Brendon, before he eventually says, ‘just, like, what you were playing before.’

‘I. Um. I don’t really remember.’ Brendon replies sheepishly and shrugs.

‘Okay. So. Just whatever you want.’ Ryan says, returning the shrug but smiling encouragingly.

Brendon nods and smiles slightly before launching into a hymn, quickly tailing it off into one of his creations again, adding twists and turns and soon forgetting he has company at all.

The music trails off with one last flick of Brendon’s hand and when he turns back to Ryan he finds a wide grin awaiting him, which he instantly mirrors. There’s silence for a moment as Ryan looks at Brendon considering and he’s never been good with the quiet, it’s too flat and dead and it’s uncomfortable so he decides to break it.

‘So. Um. How’s the music going?’ He asks and then flinches and Ryan’s face darkens an almost unnoticeable amount but it’s still there.

‘Not well.’ He replies, not taking his eyes of Brendon. ‘Not much inspiration I guess.’ Ryan laughs but it’s slightly bitter.

Brendon nods in understanding and feels the conversation come to a close. He stands carefully as Ryan watches and walks over to the door. ‘I should get back to, you know, work.’ He says awkwardly.

Ryan nods and continues looking at him, obviously waiting.

Brendon’s about to turn and leave when he remembers what he entered the house in the first place. ‘You got a, um, package.’ He says, pointing to the box. ‘That’s why I was. Yeah.’

Ryan nods and averts his gaze to where Brendon gestured before standing up and walking over to it. Ryan starts opening the box and Brendon hesitates, curious to see what exactly it contains.

Ryan rips it open and draws out a few sheets of paper. ‘Staff paper.’ Ryan explains. ‘I was running low, you know.’ He nods towards a bin situated in the corner of the room, overflowing with screwed up balls of paper.

‘Maybe you just need to get out of the house.’ Brendon says, and at Ryan’s questioning look adds, ‘for inspiration. Like, take a walk or go see a movie. Or. Um. Well my friend’s having a party this weekend and Spencer’s going anyway so you could…’

Ryan bites his lip before replying, ‘Sure.’

Brendon smiles goofily and says, ‘okay.’

‘Okay.’

\- - -

Gabe’s place is already pretty crowded by the time they arrive (late because Jon couldn’t find his keys) and Brendon can smell the smoke from the end of the hall, which he tells Gabe when he answers the door.

‘Fuck man,’ Gabe drawls, already slightly sloppy, ‘you say it like it’s a bad thing when really it means this shit is good.’ He laughs. ‘You’re late, by the way.’

‘We know.’ Jon replies sharing an amused grin with Brendon before pushing past Gabe and out into the living room with the gathering is already in full swing. He takes his dutiful seat by Spencer on the sofa, giving him a peck on the lips as he accepts the joint.

Brendon follows soon after and glances around, taking in the attendees. Andy is perched on the floor by Spencer’s legs while Pete is curled up in the armchair with Alex sat on the armrest. Well shit.

As soon as their gazes lock, a relatively sober looking Alex glares and immediately diverts his attention back to Pete who is jabbering on about parrots.

Gabe trails past and drops onto the sofa by Spencer, leading Brendon’s gaze over to the one available seat next to…

‘Ryan,’ Brendon smiles as he drops down onto the sofa. ‘You came!’

‘I did.’ Ryan says with a small nod and a smile and Brendon spares a moment to take him in. The bandana is back again but a few strands of hair still fall in front of his eyes. He’s wearing a tight grey shirt with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows and, if possible, even tighter jeans.

Brendon takes the joint from Gabe, a grin still plastered on his face and eyes not breaking away from Ryan’s.

\- - -

The atmosphere is slowly relaxing as they get more and more out of it. Ryan seems to be the most aware but Brendon isn’t sober enough to even notice that. He’s curled up against Ryan’s side, laughing at anything while Ryan strokes a careful hand through his hair. He’s almost purring as he pushes back into the touch.

Warm breath suddenly hits his cheek and he turns his head to find Ryan a lot closer than before, eyes staring into his. ‘What’s that all about?’ He murmurs and when Brendon shoots him a confused look he gestures over to the armchair Alex has now spread himself over.

Alex glances over towards them, shooting a glare at Brendon and oh. ‘Um…’ Brendon starts, suddenly feeling awkward despite the pleasant buzz running through his veins.

He redirects his attention back to Ryan who’s gazing at him levelly, waiting for a reply but before Brendon can even formulate some excuse and maybe comment on the green and gold flecks decorating Ryan’s eyes, the front door swings open.

‘Travie, mi hermano!’ Gabe shouts, stumbling to his feet and throwing himself at Travie.

‘Gabe, bro!’ He laughs carefully prying Gabe from him. ‘Look what I brought along.’ He says and gestures over his shoulder with a wink before situating himself on the sofa above Andy.

‘Bill?’ Gabe says, a smile spreading on his face.

Bill nods, a sharp look on his face but it doesn’t seem to deter Gabe from grabbing his hand and pulling him further into the room, settling him onto his lap.

\- - -

Travis starts up a rap battle with Gabe (‘it’s on motherfucker’) and a slightly less enthusiastic Andy but the atmosphere soon turns to a competitive high rather than just a chemical one. Brendon laughs loudly, subconsciously noting the way it echoes around the room for a few seconds afterwards, as Bill drapes himself over Gabe’s lap, whispering encouragements in his ear. Pete inputs sarcastic comments every so often with a sly grin.

After a few verses about the environmental conscience of cows, Andy surrenders and he and Ryan go hide out on the beanbag in the corner and discuss some philosophical shit leaving Travis and Gabe to attempt a continuation through the fits of giggles.

‘I like William’s hair.’ Brendon notes, twirling a finger through his own dark locks and pouting when it stops just below his ears instead of down past his shoulders. He wants hair like that. It’s all curly too. Like Ryan’s. He misses Ryan’s soft hair and being able to run his fingers through it. Or Ryan running his finger’s through Brendon’s hair. Either way would be great.

‘I like his hips.’ Jon says with a sigh and Spencer smacks him half-heartedly round the head while Gabe knowing strokes his fingers over the body part in question knowingly.

‘I like Spencer’s hips.’ Brendon comments and tips his head back over the sofa arm to grin at Spencer who returns it happily.

‘I like pancakes.’ He then says and attempts to crawl out of Jon’s embrace and towards the kitchen. ‘Fuck, we should make pancakes.’

‘Is it safe? To go in the kitchen? Kiitcheeeeeeeen?’ Jon mumbles, pulling Spencer into his lap once again. Spencer doesn’t try to escape again but instead burrows against Jon’s chest and makes a small pleased sound.

Brendon starts to sing ‘You’ll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties’ quietly, rubbing a rough hand over his tired eyes. He feels a dip at the other end of the couch and looks over expecting to see Ryan perched there but instead there’s a rush of ginger tilting into him.

‘You’re not Ryan.’ Brendon says but proceeds to comb his fingers through Andy’s hair anyway because it’s pretty long like William’s and curly like Ryan’s even if it is the wrong colour.

‘Right now I’m not. But tomorrow I could be.’ Andy says and this is what Brendon means when he says Andy is too logically evolved for everybody (except Ryan apparently) because that made no sense and just what.

‘What?’ He drawls but his mind swings back to Ryan and how it isn’t Ryan’s hair he’s petting. ‘Ryan.’ He says and his head spins slightly, searching the room until he finds the familiar hunches figure in the corner with a notebook sat in his lap, watching Brendon intently.

Brendon frowns and raises and eyebrow because even through the haze he’s pretty sure it’s not normal to just watch people but Ryan simply smiles and shakes his head slightly and then Brendon doesn’t care because Ryan has a nice smile. It’s small and simple but sweet and he doesn’t think he’s seen it enough.

And then all of a sudden there’s another body next to Ryan’s and Brendon doesn’t like that so much, especially not when he realises that the body is, in fact, Alex.

He frowns as Alex leans into Ryan and talks into his ear. Ryan grimaces slightly and snaps his notebook closed but he doesn’t move away and Alex isn’t deterred at all. Spencer glances over when he notices Brendon’s distraction and snorts.

\- - -

Brendon loses track of time and the next thing he remembers is Jon shaking his shoulder steadily, seeming more awake than before.

‘Hey Bren. We gotta go.’ He murmurs and Brendon grunts and sits up further. A hand pauses stroking his hair and Brendon glances up and sees Ryan looking down at him with a small smile. Brendon notices that he is, in fact, laying across Ryan’s lap and he thinks that might be embarrassing later on but right now he still has the pleasant buzz so he thinks it’s sort of awesome.

Before he can stop to consider, he leans up, pecks Ryan on the cheek, just a dry brush of lips on skin, climbs up from the sofa and wraps an arm around Jon, calling out goodbye’s as they head towards the door.

When Brendon glances over to Jon and sees the smirk there he doesn’t think anything of it, instead leaning even heavier onto him and mumbling, ‘Pancakes, Jonny. Ryan flavoured ones.’

\- - -

Brendon’s head is still fuzzy but he works through it, carefully patting the soil down around the daffodil he just planted and already thinking ahead to when he’ll be able to go home and sleep. Sleep. Glorious, glorious sleep.

He clumsily pushes himself up from the ground and wipes his hands off on the backs of his jean, puffing out a breath. The sun is high in the sky and it’s a particularly hot day so he’s stripped off his shirt. Beads of sweat and already rolling down his chest as he runs a hand through his damp hair.

‘Hey.’

Brendon jumps and swirls around to face an amused Ryan. The bandana is still in place and skinny jeans cloth his legs but the V-neck has been replaced by a red and white striped tank top, the neckline hanging low and displaying sharp collarbones.

‘Um hi.’ Brendon says with a sheepish smile while Ryan chuckles to himself and Brendon attempts to cover his chest with his crossed arms.

‘I was just gonna go get some coffee. You wanna come? You look like you need some relief from the hard work of playing with flowers.’ Ryan says with a smirk.

‘Kinda warm for coffee isn’t it?’ Brendon replies laughing softly and Ryan just smiles in a slightly adoring but condescending way like a parent would at their child.

‘Iced coffee you dweeb. Come on.’ He turns his back and begins pacing away. Brendon pulls his shirt back on and jogs to catch up.

‘Did you really just say dweeb?’ He asks with a playful tone.

‘Shut up.’ Ryan mutters and swats Brendon’s arm.

‘So is Spencer not available for your coffee run?’

Ryan frowns slightly. ‘No, he’s probably somewhere making googly eyes at Jon.’ He sighs and turns to Brendon with a guarded look. ‘Plus I wanted to ask you so…’

‘Oh. No. That’s cool.’ Brendon says with a grin and it only takes a moment for Ryan to return it.

Only when they are standing outside Starbucks does Brendon come to his senses and realise where they are and whom else they will soon be with. He hesitates slightly, causing Ryan to stop his steps and look back at him with a raised eyebrow.

Brendon smiles sheepishly and scratches the back of his head, glancing inside through the large glass pane and yeah, sure enough, Alex stands there behind the counter with a smile on his face, clearly not having spotted Brendon yet.

Ryan follows his line of sight before returning his focus to Brendon with a slightly more knowing look in his eyes than before.

‘I. Um. I actually know this great coffee place just around the corner so…’ Brendon drifts off and Ryan simply watches him for a moment and then nods.

\- - -

‘So you’re a musician right?’ Brendon says as he scoops whipped cream out of his plastic cup with his index finger. Ryan pauses taking in the place in favour of turning his attention back to Brendon.

‘Yeah.’ He says and watches as Brendon sucks his finger into his mouth.

‘So what are you doing now? Are you preparing for a tour or taking a break or…’

‘Uh, no.’ Ryan replies and smiles a little, glancing off to the side and out the window. ‘I’m currently working on a new album.’

‘Oh, cool. That’s. That’s awesome.’ Brendon says and leans across the table to squeeze Ryan’s shoulder. He doesn’t know why, it just felt right.

‘Yeah. No. It’s. It’s not going too well at the moment. Writer’s block I guess. Well, I’ve got most of the lyrics down, and some of the music but it doesn’t. They don’t fit together. It doesn’t sound full.’

‘Well what’s it supposed to sound like? Is there some kind of concept?’ Brendon asks, scooping up more cream while Ryan’s hands wrap idly around his own cup. He glances cautiously at Brendon and then back out the window again.

‘I’m not sure really. It’s just about. The usual stuff you know. Love and life. That kind of crap.’ He clears his throat. ‘What do you do anyway?’

‘Landscaping obviously.’ Brendon says and waits for Ryan to chuckle but he never does, just tilts his head to the side and studies Brendon intently.

‘Have you always wanted to do that? It seems like, a weird thing to want to be. But. Yeah. It’s different.’

‘I’m not sure. I think I probably wanted to go into music at some point in my life but then one day when I was about 7 my dad took me out into the garden to help him trim some bushes, and um, yeah.’ He smiles sadly at the memory.

‘But, you know.’ Brendon continues, ‘Me and Gabe are gonna start up a landscaping business and we’re gonna be big, doing like, fucking celebrity gardens and shit. When we come up with a name that is.’

Ryan smiles and nods and listens while Brendon explains his trade, what he wants from it. And his concentration only flickers when Brendon’s expression falls slightly and his words trail off as he explains how his parents had only paid for his first year at college and that he had funded the rest himself through the money he had saved up over the years previous from working at the local smoothie shop.

‘Why didn’t they pay?’ Ryan asks cautiously with an open and honest face and Brendon appreciates that he doesn’t push but just leaves it up to Brendon if he wants to explain or not.

‘They. Um. We sort of, fought about a lot of stuff the year I graduated high school. They were super religious and I, I don’t really believe in that sort of thing but I’d gone with it to make them happy you know. But then they were talking about planning my mission and I had to tell them that it wasn’t what I wanted and that I was applying to college. Agricultural college. And then it all came out and I told them I was gay and they kicked me out. At first I thought I’d never hear from them again,’ Brendon says and his voice breaks slightly. Ryan’s hand covers his own and Brendon sends him a grateful smile. ‘But then. They told me they’d pay for me to college. They obviously hoped I’d realise it was a stupid dream and that I’d drop out and then I’d go on a mission and they’d ignore the whole homosexuality issue but clearly that didn’t happen so.’

Brendon smiles sadly one last time and averts his gaze from Ryan’s sympathetic gaze over to Shane’s bright grin as he serves a slender, blonde woman.

‘My mother left me when I was a kid.’ Ryan’s voice breaks through suddenly and when Brendon turns to him he can see the slight distance in his eyes. ‘It was just, just me and my dad.’

Brendon nods and doesn’t think about the way both of their hands clasp together a little tighter than before.

\- - -

‘Fuck, I do not. I do not need to see this.’ Brendon yells, shielding his eyes and stumbling through the apartment as Jon and Spencer flail on the couch attempting to cover themselves.

‘My innocence!’ Brendon screams one last time before he slams the door to his room and flings himself onto his bed, face down.

He lies in silence for a few moments before digging his phone out and texting Gabe.

urgent need of alcohol  
come help me

\- - -

‘Gabe?’

‘Yeah?’

‘When you suggested we drag ourselves to Nightscape I presumed you meant to get drunk of our asses, not to admire your boyfriend from a distance.’ Brendon takes another gulp from his drink and tries to ignore the way Gabe is watching William at the side of the stage. He’s busy on the phone and so Gabe had suggested they go get drinks before greeting him.

Brendon scans over the club, eyes landing on a booth near the stage. He recognises Ryan sat with a dark haired woman and they appear to be involved in an animated discussion. Suddenly Ryan looks up and catches Brendon’s eye, smiling and waving.

Brendon hesitantly waves back and is surprised when Ryan stands and starts heading over towards him.

‘Hey.’ Brendon says when he’s close enough, ‘What are you doing here?’

‘My manager, Vicky, wanted to check Bill out before she gives the go ahead for him doing some vocals on the album.’ Ryan replies with a smile and for some reason finding out that Vicky is his manager is strangely relieving. ‘What about you?’

‘Well. After experiencing a disturbing scene on the couch when I got home I decided I needed to get drunk. Like, really drunk.’

‘And that’s where I come in.’ Gabe says with a wink and Brendon dissolves into laughter because he’s sort of tipsy already.

And that’s when William comes storming over with a pained look on his face and just about collapses against Gabe who merely looks confused and wraps his arms around the limp body.

‘Bill?’ He says quietly and confused.

‘I’m fucked.’ Bill says and lifts his head to look at Ryan. ‘We’re fucked.’

‘What?’ Ryan asks with a furrowed brow.

‘Mike totalled his car on the way here and now the police are holding him in custody.’ William groans and hides his head against Gabe’s neck.

‘Fuck.’ Ryan says. ‘Can’t you find someone to replace him? I mean, come on, there’s plenty of guitar players in here. Fuck I’ll even do it.’ William shakes his head defeated.

‘We were doing a keyboard set tonight.’ Ryan’s face falls and Brendon glances between the group anxiously, not sure what he’s supposed to say or do.

‘Brendon.’ Ryan says suddenly, eyes shooting to William.

‘Yeah?’ Brendon replies, confused about his sudden inclusion.

‘No. Brendon. Brendon can play. I’ve heard him. He’s good. He can do it.’

‘He can?’ William says, hope crossing his features as Brendon chants, ‘No, no, no, no.’

Ryan turns his attention back to Brendon. ‘I know you can do it Bren. Your one of the best players I’ve ever heard and you were barely even trying. Come on. I know you can do it.’ And Brendon can’t say no to the small hopeful smile Ryan says so he nods.

‘Awesome!’ William yells, suddenly filled with energy once again as he latches onto Brendon’s arm and starts dragging him over to the side of the stage. ‘We have sheet music you can read from but we only have 5 minutes until show time.’

Brendon tries to take in everything Bill tells him but really his brain is screaming what are you doing’ and ‘you’re not a musician’ and ‘fuck’.

And then he’s on stage and he’s staring at sheet music he’s never seen before and Bill is just to his side announcing something or someone and there are people, so many people, and then there’s silence and. He’s supposed to play. He’s supposed to play now.

His eyes scan the crowd wildly and then they fall on Gabe and then they fall on Ryan and his soft curls and his wide eyes and his easy smile and if he were up here he’d probably be saying, ‘Play Brendon. You know how. Play for me.’

Brendon plays.

\- - -

They come off stage to wild applause and Brendon’s not sure how he feels about that. It’s different and strange but it feels right some how. Like that’s where he should be.

And even though he was completely focused on the music, lost in it, he was weirdly aware of Ryan’s gaze on him. It felt almost surreal. Like Ryan really was on stage with him. Like that’s where he was supposed to be.

He steps off and is immediately engulfed by Gabe’s arms. When he pulls back he glances at Ryan with hope in his eyes and is met by a small smile and Brendon thinks yes.

\- - -

Later when they’re sat at the bar and Ryan is keeps glancing at Brendon in something like awe or interest or fascination, he leans over and says, ‘Do you play guitar?’

And Brendon says, ‘No. I always wanted to though.’

And Ryan nods, eyes lingering on Brendon for a moment longer.

\- - -

‘Just 5 more minutes guys.’ Jon calls over his shoulder as he carries the tub of cleaning supplies into the back. Brendon props his feet up onto Spencer’s lap and settles further into the sofa.

‘Your shift finished 10 minutes ago.’ Spencer retorts and sighs, absently stroking a hand along Brendon’s ankle. ‘The movie’s gonna start before we even get there.’

Jon shouts, ‘I know but Andy isn’t here yet to take over.’

Brendon shifts slightly, tilting his head forward to look at Spencer. ‘So we’re done at the SAS next week. Gonna be awesome to be free right?’

‘Are you kidding me? I’m gonna miss seeing your mug around there.’ Spencer pauses. ‘Although I guess you’ll still be hanging out there regardless right?’

Brendon’s eyebrows pull down in confusion. ‘What?’

Spencer seems to hold back a smile. ‘Nothing. We, um, we still have the opening ceremony to do though remember.’

‘Yeah. What’s the point in us being there again.’ Brendon throws an arm across his eyes.

‘I don’t know but Ryan’s performing.’

Brendon freezes up slightly and asks, careful to keep his tone neutral, ‘He is?’ Spencer nods. ‘I’ve never heard him play before.’

Spencer nods again and if Brendon weren’t blinded by his arm, he’d see the careful way Spencer eyes him up.

The small bell over the door rings and Jon calls out from the back, ‘finally!’

‘Sorry. We got caught up.’ Replies a voice that very definitely isn’t Andy and Brendon’s eyes shoot open.

‘Oh. Um. I thought Andy was on shift?’ Jon asks, shooting a cautious look at Brendon who remains frozen in place.

‘I can’t do the shift tomorrow night so we switched.’ Alex says and when Brendon looks up he’s carefully tying his apron and talking to Nate. Nate?

The bartender from Nightscape, Brendon remembers, is good friends with Alex but then he leans over and kisses Alex on the mouth and Brendon feels his eyes widening simultaneously with both Spencer and Jon’s.

‘I didn’t know you guys were together?’ Spencer comments and Alex smiles sheepishly.

‘It’s sort of a recent development.’ Nate says with a grin and then says a hushed goodbye to Alex before leaving through the door, bell ringing once more.

Jon collects his stuff while Brendon and Spencer wait by the door and Alex checks the cash register. He doesn’t glance in Brendon’s direction once and Brendon thinks he should maybe feel annoyed or sad or confused by that but he doesn’t.

He doesn’t even care.

\- - -

Brendon sees Ryan coming this time. But he still isn’t wearing a shirt.

‘Hey Brendon,’ Ryan says with a small smile in his usual satin monotone. ‘I was gonna catch you earlier this week but you weren’t in so.’ He shrugs and Brendon laughs.

‘You could have just called me you know? Spencer has my number.’ Brendon replies, scooping his shirt from the floor because he still doesn’t quite feel comfortable being half naked in Ryan’s presence and if the way Ryan is avoiding looking at him is any indicator, he isn’t comfortable either.

‘Yeah well.’ Ryan mutters, brightening Brendon’s smile.

‘It’s kind of what phones are for.’ He says, pulling his shirt over his head and then he notices the slight pink colouring in Ryan’s cheeks and the way he’s biting his lip. ‘Shit. No way. You do have a phone right?’

‘Um.’ Ryan says and then Brendon’s gone, laughing so hard he can barely breathe.

‘You are aware that we live in the 21st century right?’ He gasps and he thinks he sees Ryan crack a small smile at that.

‘It’s not that weird.’ He defends and watches Brendon’s hunched over figure as he attempts to recover his breath.

‘Uh. Yeah. It kind of is.’ Brendon grins and Ryan does too but shakes his head to try and hide it.

‘Anyway.’ Ryan says and suddenly he looks nervous and unsure, chewing on his lip in a way that weirdly distracting. ‘That other night at Nightscape, when you were playing. I um. Well I got this idea and. I told you I was having trouble with the album and I’ve got the lyrics but the music. It’s not. But the first time I heard you, you said you were improvising. And you’re a really good player and well. And well, it wouldn’t be a major thing or anything but you’d get a mention on the album and.’ Ryan stops and looks at Brendon like a scared little puppy, clearly waiting for an answer to the question Brendon didn’t even realise he apparently asked.

‘Um, Ryan.’ Brendon says, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, ‘I have no idea what you just said.’

Ryan laughs slightly and smiles a little before drawing a deep breath. ‘I was thinking you could help me out with writing some music. For the album. I mean.’

Brendon watches Ryan with wide eyes, brain not functioning properly. He doesn’t even think over his answer, doesn’t think about what’s he’s getting into or what he’s getting out of it, he just doesn’t think.

‘Yeah.’ Brendon says with a slow spreading grin. ‘I mean. Yeah.’

\- - -

‘So, I know we talked about it before. But. It makes the music flow better if you have something in particular in mind. A concept. Something to work with. You know?’ Brendon says and adjusts the guitar on his lap while Ryan folds his legs under himself on the couch.

Ryan had insisted that he teach Brendon the basics of guitar first, before they started working and apparently Brendon was a quick learner.

Ryan looks unsure for a minute, gnawing on his lip again as Brendon has come to realise is a nervous habit of his.

‘It doesn’t have to be specific. Just an idea.’ Brendon pushes and waits with a hopeful expression.

Ryan watches him for a moment before sighing. ‘It’s about love. Or not love precisely, but what could be love. Wanting love. It’s about something different and interesting that catches your attention for no reason. Wanting more of it.’ He turns his head away and gazes out the window. ‘It’s something new and special and perfect and almost love. Maybe.’

Brendon nods silently and doesn’t try to analyse the description too much. They’re Ryan’s words. Ryan’s ideas. Ryan’s life. It’s private.

\- - -

‘Less than a week remains until the final deadline for your experience projects.’ Stump announces and Brendon doesn’t feel as relieved as he maybe expected that he’d be out of work soon. He’ll miss the guys.

He’ll miss watching Sisky and Joe spray each other with the hoses before turning on Mikey who’d complain when his book got soggy. He’d miss finding Gerard and Frank locked in compromising positions in a different bush each day. He’d miss watching Gabe pick Pete up and throwing him into the fountain or a particularly large patch of bushes or even once into a tree and they all had to team up and tape 3 ladders together to get Pete back down again.

Gabe, however, seems more than enthusiastic. He leans over to Brendon and whispers, ‘How about it Bden? A party at my place to celebrate the end of slave labour seems appropriate.’

‘I can’t.’ Brendon says and bites his lip, ‘I’ve already got plans…’ Normally he wouldn’t turn down a party at Gabe’s but he really is in the mood for a movie night at home with Jon, Spencer and Ryan.

Gabe raises an eyebrow. ‘With your new boy toy?’

‘Um?’ Brendon says in a puzzled tone.

‘Aw come on Bden. I know you are Ryan are going at it. You could barely take your eyes off each other at my place. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. He’s got hips to rival Bilvy’s.’ Gabe says with a wink and Brendon shakes his head rapidly.

‘No. No. No. Me and Ryan aren’t. What. No. We’re just friends.’ He explains frantically and he’s not sure why he’s in such a rush to disillusion Gabe when normally he’d just laugh it off. ‘I’m helping him out with his music so. We couldn’t. Not that I want to. Like.’

‘It’s cool B.’ Gabe says and turns back to the front with an amused smile.

They sit through the rest of the lecture in silence as Brendon thinks over what Gabe could have meant. As far as he was aware he barely spoke to Ryan at all that night. And sure he doesn’t really remember how he got home but he can’t have forgotten that much. He’d remember if Ryan were looking at him in any way other than platonic.

They gather their stuff together and head down the stairs and towards the door. They pause slightly by the emergence of Pete and Brendon finds himself smiling.

‘Hey Pete!’ Brendon says with a grin.

‘Hey.’ Pete replies and gives Brendon a quick half hug.

‘You busy now? Me and Gabe were just about to go get some coffee, you could join?’ Brendon asks and Gabe nods in agreement.

‘Actually me and Patrick were gonna..’ Pete says sheepishly but Brendon cuts him off with, ‘Your welcome too Patrick.’

Pete glances back to Patrick and raises and eyebrow. Patrick smiles in response and says, ‘Sure.’

‘Awesome.’ Brendon says and, yeah, things are pretty awesome.

\- - -

‘For fuck sake Brendon stay still.’ Spencer sighs and throws a cushion at Brendon’s head.

Brendon dodges stealthily and tries to settle again. ‘I can’t. This movie is really fucked up okay.’ Ryan chuckles next to him while Spencer rolls his eyes.

‘Blame Ryan not us.’ Jon says and Brendon turns his accusing glare to Ryan who stares back innocently.

‘Shut up. It was a perfectly good choice.’ Ryan says and Brendon huffs.

‘I get next choice.’ Brendon says with a smile and pokes his toes into Ryan’s ribs to accentuate his point. He hears Spencer snort from behind him and Ryan shakes his head. Brendon’s totally getting next choice.

\- - -

He picks Aladdin and it turns out Ryan is more than enthusiastic about this particular movie.

‘Buts there’s no subtitles.’ Brendon says as he leans slightly against Ryan, who’s completely absorbed in the movie.

‘I know.’ Ryan mutters back.

‘And no adultery.’ He adds with a grin.

‘I know.’

‘And no mind fuck or homosexual action.’

‘I don’t know about that.’ Jon adds in, ‘The parrot seems a little camp if you ask me.’

‘It has a name Jon.’ Brendon retorts.

‘Fuckever.’ Jon chuckles just as Ryan says quietly, ‘Iago.’

Brendon tips his head back and grins brightly at Ryan who seems slightly startled for a minute before he smiles back hesitantly, his cheeks colouring slightly in the dark. Brendon settles further into Ryan’s side and absently noted how comfy Ryan is despite his prominent bones and sharp angles. Especially his hipbones. Brendon really sort of likes those.

\- - -

Brendon’s eyelids flutter a little bit as he feels footsteps draw away from him.

‘What?’ He mutters and snuggles a little closer to the warm soft cushion he’s wrapped around.

‘Jon and Spencer wanted some alone time.’ A smooth deep voice chuckles and Brendon thinks ‘Ryan’ and moves even closer. He feels a comforting hand stroke through his hair and hears soft breathing mixing with the dull sounds from the TV.

\- - -

He’s hot. Really hot. Overheating. But he’s comfy and somehow through his subconscious he knows he shouldn’t move.

He tries to anyway but after shifting slightly he realises he can’t. There is an arm wrapped around his chest and it’s tight. Really tight. Too tight. But it’s warm and it smells sort of like honey.

He tips his head back slightly and cracks his crusty eyes open to peer at the face that’s really a lot closer than he expected. Ryan looks sort of sweet when he sleeps. His face is relaxed and holds none of the tension and careful indifference it usually does.

He’s kind of beautiful. Really beautiful.

And then shit. Brendon’s kind of really fucked.

\- - -

 

‘You know,’ Brendon says and stabs his shovel into the ground before leaning on it, wiping the sweat from his forehead along with his drenched bangs, ‘you could help instead of just. Sitting there.’

Ryan looks up at him with a grin. ‘Come on Bren, I’m totally helping out. I’m inspiring your digging by speaking words of wisdom.’

‘Let it be…’ Brendon mutters quietly and smiles softly at Ryan as he turns back to his notebook.

Roughly 45 minutes ago Ryan had spotted Brendon working on a flowerbed outside his window and so had decided to work on lyrics sitting on the steps instead of inside. He and Brendon had kept up a steady flow of friendly banter as they both worked, Brendon occasionally pausing to take in the way Ryan’s hair fell in tight curls over his golden eyes and Ryan pausing to look up at the sky.

‘What about something to do with honey dreams?’ Brendon throws out, attempting to provide some assistance in Ryan’s struggle for words.

‘No,’ Ryan chuckles, ‘it won’t fit.’ He glances up at Brendon as his hand moves over the page and Brendon huffs indignantly.

‘Well let’s see what you have already so I know what will fit.’ Brendon says and holds an expecting hand out.

Ryan hands him the notebook and Brendon’s eyes flick over the page before his brows furrow.

‘Liar.’ Brendon says and throws the notebook back at the now laughing boy. Ryan catches it, page open on the portrait of Brendon.

‘Writer’s block.’ Ryan explains, ‘drawing helps sometimes.’ He shrugs and closes the book before watching Brendon as he resumes his work. ‘Are you almost done?’

‘Pretty much.’ Brendon mutters. ‘Why?’

‘We could go get…’

‘Coffee, yeah, let’s go.’ And before Ryan can blink Brendon is throwing his tools to the side with a grin and dragging him towards the gate.

\- - -

The small bell rings above the door as usual as they step through, laughing. Brendon bounds up to the counter but comes to a halt when he sees a familiar yet unfamiliar face behind it.

‘Hey,’ He says cautiously, tilting his head to the side, ‘is Shane not working?’

‘He’s in the back.’ Travis explains with a friendly grin. ‘Can I get you anything?’

‘Something cold,’ Brendon replies instantly, ‘like, ice cold. And caffeine. Lots of that.’

‘No caffeine for him.’ Ryan adds as he walks up to the side of Brendon and answers his glare with a soft, fond smile.

‘Coming right up.’ Travis says and begins pouring various liquids into cups.

‘Brendon.’

Brendon spins around and squeals before launching himself at Shane, wrapping the man in a warm hug.

‘Shane, man.’ Brendon says into his chest as Shane’s arms snake around him in return.

‘What’s up?’ He mutters.

‘Coffee.’ Brendon says motioning over his shoulder. Shane looks up and notices Ryan’s sharp gaze just before he turns his head away. Strange.

‘You are not allowed coffee in the afternoon.’ Shane says and Brendon sighs, burrowing further into the nice, soft band tee. It’s a band he’s never heard of but that’s why he loves Shane. He’s different and interesting and new.

‘Drinks up guys.’ Travis says and Brendon regretfully peels himself from Shane to grab his and Ryan’s cups. He instead latches onto Ryan’s arm and guides him over to a nice soft couch in the corner.

‘Later Shane.’ He calls over his shoulder and Shane chuckles.

\- - -

‘B’ Gabe whisper-yells and Brendon kicks his shin in a way that’s supposed to say ‘shut the fuck up and leave me alone you hippie’.

‘B’ he repeats and Brendon kicks him harder as well as shooting him a sharp look.

Patrick is talking about business plans and what is most attractive to a client and considering Brendon’s own business planning has been on hold lately it’s important that he actually listens to this particular lecture or he’ll end up working in McDonalds like his best friend from high school was last time they spoke.

‘Is that Ryan?’ Gabe says suddenly and Brendon’s attention instantly flicks from his notes to shooting around the room.

‘Where?’ He squeaks.

‘Unbelievable.’ Gabe mutters amusedly and when Brendon glances his way he sees the little smirk playing around his mouth.

‘Fuck you.’ Brendon snarls and sinks lower into his seat, attempting to hide from his stupid, lying friend.

‘As I was trying to tell you,’ Gabe says, tapping his pen to Brendon’s thigh, ’Bill’s performing at Nightscape tonight.’

Brendon simply shakes his head so Gabe adds. ‘C’mon Bren. Why not?’

‘I’m still pretty wrecked from the last night there.’ Brendon mumbles with a sigh.

Gabe bites his lip and studies Brendon with squinted eyes for a moment. ‘You can bring Ryan.’

Brendon tenses but eventually nods. Gabe claims glory.

\- - -

His feet slap against the concrete at merely half the pace of the thundering rain. He wraps his jacket tighter around his head in some attempt to save his hair, which is already mostly wrecked anyway. Brendon jogs up the path and wrenches Ryan’s door open whispering angrily to himself.

‘If you had a fucking phone I wouldn’t be so fucking soaked.’ He throws the jacket on the floor and shakes his hair out while hugging his arms around himself, relishing in the sudden heat of the warm house.

‘Ry?’ Brendon calls out but gets no reply so he moves further down the hallway, glancing into rooms as he goes. Hearing commotion from the living room, Brendon walks faster and smiles to himself before pushing open the door and freezing.

‘I fucking told you Ryan! If you don’t do it soon then-‘ Spencer yells and smacks his hands against the wooden coffee table.

‘It’s not going to happen Spencer! It doesn’t matter anyway, he won’t find-‘ Ryan replies sadly but with a glare as sharp as daggers.

‘Brendon.’ Spencer cuts him off before clearing his throat and straightening up. ‘Hey.’

Ryan spins on the spot and looks at Brendon’s worried expression with wide, guilty eyes. ‘Hey. Hi. What are you, um, what are you doing here?’

Brendon opens his mouth slowly and looks between them, both stood rigid and slightly turned away from one another. ‘I was just. Bill. He’s performing at nightscape tonight. You, um…’ He stutters out, eyebrows furrowing in confusion at the icy tension in the room. He feels like the zoo bars between two angry lions right now.

Silence settles in the room as Brendon looks at Spencer, Spencer at Ryan and Ryan avoids everyone’s eyes by gazing out the window with a carefully blank expression.

‘Ryan.’ Spencer eventually sighs. ‘Just tell him.’

Ryan bites his lip and clears his throat, averting his gaze from the window only to turn it to the floor instead.

‘Brendon.’ He says softly and finally makes eye contact, ‘I’ve been keeping something from you because, well, I didn’t know how you’d take it but. I actually-‘

A sudden, shrill ring cuts Ryan off and Brendon fumbles in his pocket to shut it off but he glances at the screen.

‘Jon.’ He says apologetically, keeping eye contact with Ryan, before he answers. ‘Hey.’

‘Brendon.’ Jon says slowly, almost patronising. ‘I’m going to ask you a very simple question and I want you to either answer yes or no.’

‘Okay…’ Brendon responds warily.

‘Did you break Steve.’

Brendon’s eyes widen. ‘No.’ He replies after a moment.

‘Honesty would be appreciated.’ Jon groans.

‘It was totally an accident,’ Brendon hurries to say, ‘I told you not to leave him alone near me so technically it’s totally your fault and I’m so sorry forgive me forever I’ll pay for the repairs Jon please I love you dude-‘

‘Brendon it’s fine.’ Jon chuckles. ‘But you need to get home and help me deal with this before the apartment is set on fire.’

‘Oh. Shit. Yeah’. Brendon says and then hangs up. ‘I have to go. I’m sorry. Bill’s on at 9. See you.’ He shouts as he runs out of the room, grabs his jacket, and escapes through the front door.

\- - -

‘Hey Bren, you still good?’ Shane calls from behind the counter where he’s crouched, restocking the cookie shelf.

Brendon hold up his half full hot chocolate mug and yells ‘yeah, thanks’ back without lifting his eyes from the budget he’s holding in front of him. His entire business plan is spread over the circular, orange table and he’s sorting through it, making adjustments and adding things in line with what Patrick had said.

The bell above the door rings but Brendon still refuses to shift his gaze. It’s hard enough to add up 27 different 3 digit numbers without breaking his focus every 5 minutes. He scribbles another number onto the bottom of the sheet and twirls the pen in his mouth while he checks everything over.

That’s when another body drops into the seat opposite him. Expecting it to be Pete (Ryan his mind screams) he mutters an absent minded ‘busy.’

However the newcomer grunts and replies, ‘not anymore.’ Before ripping the paper from his hands and slapping it down onto the table.

Brendon’s eyes widen in response to the unfamiliar voice and when he looks up he finds it’s the bartender from nightscape, Nate, that is leaning comfortably into the armchair opposite with a harsh smile and a cold glint in his eye.

‘Um.’ Brendon says and lowers his hands from the position they were in, thinking he still held the paper.

‘Stay away from Alex.’ Nate says shortly and Brendon’s eyebrows furrow because, um, he’s pretty sure he has been.

‘What?’ He replies anyway because obviously he wants to anger an enraged Nate even further.

‘I mean it.’ Nate says. ‘You’ve fucked him over enough already yeah. He’s too good to be pining over an asshole like you so do me a favour and stay. Away. From. Him. Yeah?’

Nate raises an eyebrow and Brendon can only mutter an ‘um’ before suddenly a strong hand is placed on his shoulder comfortingly, holding him steady, and Shane’s reassuring voice chimes in with ‘is there a problem here?’

Nate stands up, and Brendon absently notes that it didn’t make him much taller than when he was sitting, before shaking his head and saying ‘I was actually just leaving.’

He shoots Brendon one more punctuating glare before striding out of the coffee shop with sure steps.

‘Okay.’ Brendon says calmly before slumping back into his seat. ‘What the fuck?’ He squeaks and covers his face with his hands because he’s freaking out.

‘Hey Bren.’ Shane says and drops down to his knees, wrapping his arms securely around Brendon’s small, shuddering frame, ‘that guy’s just an asshole. He won’t touch you. Yeah?’

Brendon nods and clings to the cosy warmth of Shane’s shirt and thinks about how much softer Ryan’s shirts always are and how much nicer his skinny arms feel wrapped around Brendon, long fingers stroking down his spine and making him shiver.

Sensing his distress, Shane tightens his grip but Brendon thinks it only makes things worse.

\- - -

The club is more packed than Brendon ever remembers it being. The bar is totally congested and the dance floor is full and he literally had to race this girl in a mini skirt to get his table. He secretly knows that he only run because she tripped over her stupidly high heels.

Jon is attempting to retrieve drinks before William’s set starts: they already went to say hello although Ryan is yet to turn up. Spencer, for a reason unknown to Brendon, isn’t coming. Jon had just shrugged and made a weird face that Brendon mocked for the next hour or so.

He hears Bill start his pre-show crowd love making on stage and smirks to himself, picking at his nails. Brendon glances back over at the bar and thinks that he isn’t getting a drink anytime soon.

Suddenly there’s a warm hand, long fingers wrapping around his arm, and Ryan’s smiling (gorgeous) face comes into view.

‘Hey.’ Ryan says loudly and Brendon grins in return. Wow. Ryan looks really good. Brendon bites his lip and looks away before he finds himself blurting unforgiveable things. Which would totally be hilarious to Jon and would be mocking material for months if he ever found out.

‘Took your time.’ Brendon shouts over the beginning of Bill’s first song and Ryan smiles wider if a little shyer.

‘Got caught up with writing. I changed some of the lyrics. They didn’t seem to fit.’ Ryan replies and Brendon nods to show he heard. The music is sort of too loud to make polite conversation right now.

Brendon glances over to the bar to check on how close Jon is to retrieving drinks in case Ryan wants anything but he’s startled to see Ryland looking straight at him, glare fixed in place. What the fuck?

Brendon’s eyebrows furrow and his brain screams at him to run for his life because that is a death stare right there. It sort of looks like Ryland is imagining driving a screwdriver through his eye which is impressive multitasking seen as he is simultaneously mixing up some fancy cocktail and come on, if people just ordered simple drinks the line would move much faster.

Ryan seems to catch where his gaze is directed and frowns in turn, placing a comforting hand on his hip, finger stroking slowly over the slip of bare skin there. ‘Just ignore them.’ Ryan says into his ear and wow, he’s closer than Brendon thought.

His eyes slip from Ryan’s face to another pair of eyes watching them from just a few feet away, slowly making their way over. The guy’s sort of hot. Short dark hair and he looks sort of muscly and maybe Brendon would consider him if he wasn’t stood next to the hottest guy on Earth already who, hello, is still grasping his hip.

Suddenly the guy is on Brendon’s other side, eyes trailed on where Ryan’s and Brendon’s bodies touch. He leans in closer to Brendon’s ear, keeping eye contact all the way. Brendon glances over to see Ryan staring straight ahead, apparently watching William on stage but his eyes are blank.

‘Shame you’re taken.’ The guy says and moves his eyes obviously back down to Ryan’s hand again which proceeds to slowly slide off Brendon’s hip, instead to be tucked into Ryan’s crossed arms.

‘Uh,’ Brendon swallows nervously. ‘We’re not. We’re not together.’ He says and bites his lip before he says something stupid like ‘yet’ or ‘I wish’ or ‘Ryan take me right here, right now’.

The guy lifts a disbelieving eyebrow and mutters, ‘sure looks like it,’ before heading over to the bar and joining the mass of bodies, swarming to claim a drink.

Brendon carefully keeps his gaze away from Ryan, worried about what he’d see there. Instead, he locates Jon being served and watches him exchange money for 2 glasses of beer. He heads back over, smiling when he notices Ryan’s arrival.

‘Glad you could join us!’ Jon says happily, placing the drinks on the table in front of them and giving Ryan a half hug. ‘Do you want a drink?’

Ryan shakes his head. ‘No I’m good.’ His hands flex into fists.

Brendon thinks that clearly he’s not.

\- - -

He thinks the girl over by the stage in the sparkly purple dress is pretty and he wants to know Ryan’s opinion because Ryan is his favourite - favourite everything - so he leans over and says, ‘is she pretty Ryan? Prettier than me?’ before dissolving into a fit of laughter.

Ryan smiles in response but it’s shaky and worried and he’s eying Brendon carefully, watching out for any signs of incoming danger. Brendon thinks it’s sweet. How Ryan’s looking out for him. And – wow, that’s a lot of beer bottles on the table when did they all get there.

Jon had left to get closer to the stage roughly an hour ago but Ryan had stuck around, laughing along with Brendon and occasionally reaching out to smooth down one of Brendon’s stray hairs because he knows how OCD Brendon is about his precious locks of magnificent ebony.

If Brendon had a horse he’d call it magnificent ebony.

‘Buy me a horse Ryan. We could ride together into the sunset.’ He says and this time Ryan does laugh, even more so when Brendon starts hopping from foot to foot neighing.

And then he gets this brilliant idea, which is almost exactly the same as riding Magnificent Ebony because dancing is totally the same as riding. It’s like dancing on a dick and wow Brendon totally didn’t mean to think that but he did and now he can’t stop laughing and smiling and grabbing Ryan’s skinny, perfect, perfect, skinny arm and, ‘dance with me.’

Ryan looks shocked but happy as Brendon tugs him over to the dance floor, drinks abandoned on the table. Brendon grabs his hand and sways his hips in time to the music, dark eyes drunkenly peering into Ryan’s own laughter filled honey.

Brendon raises his other arm into the air and pushes himself closer to Ryan, feels long, delicate fingers curl comfortably around his waist as he sighs happily. He drops his head to Ryan’s shoulder and breathes him in. He smells like grass and nutmeg and rainbows.

Ryan chuckles, strokes over Brendon’s sides as hands press to his chest and he rests his chin atop Brendon’s head.

This is nice, Brendon thinks and feels Ryan’s warmth through his t-shirt. He feels strong and steady and there. Always there.

\- - -

There’s a giant wooden club, decorated with nails or something pounding on his head. There must be. How else would Brendon explain how fucked his head is feeling right now. He rolls over onto his stomach and clutches his pillow tightly, groaning into the fabric.

Suddenly the bed dips beside him causing him to roll over onto his back and collide with something. When he cracks one eye open hesitantly, wincing against the sudden light, he sees Jon sat there with a wide grin plastered over his face.

‘Sympathy would be nice.’ Brendon mutters and closes his eyes again, snuggling further into his covers. Jon chuckles and lies down beside him, curling a warm arm around him and allowing Brendon to steal some of his comforting heat.

‘You were kind of smashed last night.’ Jon says and Brendon snorts because he thought that was sort of obvious.

‘I remember coming home to a cold, empty apartment and that is all.’ Brendon replies and then adds, ‘where the fuck were you Walker?’

‘I went round to Spencer’s.’ Jon says quietly and Brendon breathes out heavily.

‘It’s getting serious.’ Brendon states knowingly, burying his face into Jon’s arm.

‘It is.’ Jon answers and Brendon can hear the smile in his voice.

\- - -

Condensation races down the brown glass, Brendon’s finger tracing it’s path as it pools at the bottom of the beer bottle and leaves a damp ring on the dark wooden table. Ryan had told him to use a coaster by throwing one at his head but the idea backfired and instead ended in a beer mat war, using sofas as barricades.

‘Concentrate Bren.’ Ryan murmurs, tapping his pen against the guitar perched on his lap. Brendon raises his head from his folded arms and stretches his neck out, noticing the way Ryan’s shirt shows just a thin strip of pale skin.

‘Just,’ Brendon mutters and furrows his eyebrows, turning his head away, denying himself the view, ‘throw some big words in there. Nobody will notice.’ It’s silent until Brendon peers up once again and finds Ryan staring at him disbelievingly with a raised eyebrow. Only a few moments later they both dissolve into laughter and end up sprawled over each other on the floor.

‘Thirsty.’ Ryan murmurs through smiling lips and rubs at his eyes. Brendon carefully rolls off him and tries to tell him to go get more beer but his mouth is smiling so hard it hurts to move it and his throat is raw from laughing.

Luckily Ryan seems to have read his mind as he climbs uneasily to his feet and stumble-crawls his way out into the hallway and then presumably into the kitchen where Brendon hears the sound of bottles clinking together.

Ryan returns, this time on his feet, with 4 more glorious beacons of hope clutched in his hands. He plops onto the floor next to Brendon cross-legged and rolls 2 bottles down Brendon’s stomach until they catch on his neck.

Brendon hums pleased and sits up himself before staring at the bottle confused. ‘How do I… do I open it.’ He asks and turns his wide eyes on Ryan who seems to be sharing the same difficulty.

Instead of finding a solution however, which Brendon would like him to do, Ryan simply snorts and tips his head back, laughing silently, which Brendon also kind of likes because his nose scrunches up in this really adorable way and his lips look all shiny.

A sleepy, wide grin stretches across Brendon’s face at the thought just as Ryan’s head rolls to the side so that he’s face on with Brendon again. They’re smiling at each other stupidly because neither has any idea what’s going on but it doesn’t really matter anymore either.

Brendon shuffles closer, his leg pressed against Ryan’s, and drops a soft kiss to Ryan’s shoulder and then they’re eye level again, still smiling deliriously.

‘Brendon,’ Ryan murmurs in that honey tone that perfectly matches his honey eyes in that they’re both deep and unexpected and you don’t know that they have you until it’s too late and they’re making your bones melt every time they find you. ‘Brendon, Brendon, Brendon.’

 

And Brendon, he can feel Ryan’s puffs of sweet air hit his mouth; honey breath to match his honey gaze and his honey voice. He thinks deliriously about how they’re kind of perfect together with his chocolate eyes and Ryan’s honey features. Both sweet and sickly and meant to be married and devoured and ravished.

Then those soft lips he’s found himself staring at so often are pressed to his own full lips, which instantly part, allowing entrance, almost begging for it as Ryan’s tongue slithers inside. The sharp tang of beer mixes with the distinctive taste of Ryan and it is exactly how Brendon always imagined.

He tilts his head, pushes forward wanting more as his hand comes to claw at Ryan’s cheek, the back of his head, pulling him closer. Ryan’s hands settle on his waist and it reminds him of when they were dancing, how soft and slow the touch was but now Ryan’s fingers are pressing into his hipbones, bruising almost and he can feel the difference in how Ryan clings to him.

Their lips slide together growing more eager to the point of being desperate as Ryan’s fingers slide under Brendon’s shirt, gliding along perfect skin and taking the shirt up with them. They break apart momentarily allowing Brendon to tug his shirt quickly over his head before bringing his lips back to Ryan’s, craving more.

Ryan’s hands dance along Brendon’s spine, drawing him in closer until their stomachs are pressed together and Brendon untangles his hands from his shirt and brings them back up to Ryan’s face, feeling along his cheekbones, gently caressing.

Their tongues entwine, lips and teeth licking and biting. Ryan’s hands drop down to glide along Brendon’s lower back, skimming the top of his jeans, before stroking up his spine once again, over his shoulders and up his arms before coming to clasp around his hands.

Ryan pulls away, panting heavily, and rests his forehead against Brendon’s as he laughs almost disbelievingly with eyes pressed closed. Brendon chews on his bottom lip, desperate to taste more as he eyes Ryan’s.

And then Ryan’s tugging at him, pulling him to his feet fluidly and pulling him out the door, down the hallway, carelessly tripping up the stairs barely halfway before pinning Brendon against the wall and tugging his leg up to wrap around Ryan’s waist.

Brendon’s hands settle on Ryan’s chest as Ryan licks and bites at his neck, drawing loud moans deep from Brendon’s throat in the otherwise quiet of the house. The wall is cold and solid as it scratches his back and it keeps him anchored, lets him know this is real.

Ryan bites down sharply just below his ear and he arches closer, accidently rubbing their clothed crotches together and Ryan just about purrs into his neck. Brendon’s hands slide up Ryan’s chest as Ryan’s lips glide along his cheek and they engage in one dirty, wet kiss before Brendon tips his head back against the wall, breathes out heavily.

Ryan brings one hand away from the wall and catches Brendon’s holding them together. Brendon stays completely still, licks his lips and says softly into the silence, ‘Ryan.’

Ryan guides him up the remaining stairs slowly; careful to keep them pressed close together, lips hovering over one another’s. He walks backwards down the hallway and pushes the door at the far end open using his hip, not taking any contact or attention from Brendon.

He carefully pushes Brendon inside using a hand on his hip and Brendon drops down onto the centre of the bed, soft blue sheets shifting underneath him as he sits up and folds his legs underneath himself. Ryan presses the door shut and turns to watch Brendon on the bed, eyes dark and dripping with want that Brendon mirrors with idle hands fidgeting against the blanket needing to touch, to reveal all the soft, pale skin, taste it.

Almost reading his mind, Ryan tucks his hands under his shirt and pulls it up, up and over his head, gently ruffling his dark curls, and allows it to fall to the floor. He sways over and falls onto the bed just in front of Brendon, never breaking eye contact.

They simultaneously lean forward, needing to feel, and Brendon’s fingers fit along the indents between Ryan’s ribs perfectly as Ryan’s hands settle onto the mattress either side of Brendon’s head, gently pushing him backward.

Brendon shifts, allowing Ryan to hover over him by resting his weight on one elbow and using his other hand to curl around the back of Ryan’s head, gently stroking the soft curls there as he beckons Ryan closer, pushes their lips closer and hotter and feels the first slide of Ryan’s bare chest against his own. He shivers and Ryan draws in a sharp intake of breath before pushing forward, kissing harder and needier and Brendon keens beneath him, making soft noises as he claws down Ryan’s back, trying to show him how much he wants this. How much he needs it.

Brendon lies flat on his back and Ryan pulls away as he lies over him, staring down at him. Brendon moves down, presses soft kisses to Ryan’s collarbone, chest, as his hands work open Ryan’s jeans button and then the zipper. He tugs and Ryan kicks them off before moving down to help Brendon with his own.

He’s just pulled down the fly before Brendon rolls them over, pins Ryan’s wrists down making him groan and buck upwards, desperate for some friction. Brendon only smirks slightly and shimmies his jeans off quickly.

Ryan chokes out a surprised laugh and says, smiling, ‘no underwear huh?’ Brendon chews on the inside of his cheek and grins down at Ryan, cheeks slightly reddened. He leans down, lips brushing over Ryan’s ear and whispers, ‘you like it,’ in pure seduction.

When he pulls back Ryan’s eyes are black and he’s biting his lip so hard he should be drawing blood.

Brendon runs a steady hand down his own chest and over his already throbbing cock to ground himself, releasing a small breathy moan, before dropping back down and mouthing at Ryan’s left nipple, biting carefully at the bud as it hardens and listening carefully to Ryan’s heavy breathing and hushed sounds.

His mouth leaves a trail of kisses and licks from one nipple to the other before trekking down over Ryan’s stomach, pausing to lick into his belly button and smiling at Ryan’s small squirm and ‘it tickles’ in a quiet laugh.

Ryan’s already hard which makes Brendon’s smirk widen.

He reaches down between Ryan’s legs and palms him carefully through his boxers, applying next to no pressure. At the soft exhale of air Ryan releases Brendon relents and slowly drags the cloth down Ryan’s legs and off while pressing biting kisses to his sharp hipbones.

Brendon ducks his head and licks a firm stripe from the base to the tip of Ryan’s dick, pulling back slightly to breath hot damp air over the head and successfully making Ryan squirm underneath the hands now pressed firmly against his hips.

Brendon looks up and locks eyes with Ryan. His usually honey irises are now dripping tar, making Brendon shift slightly under the heavy gaze. He keeps the contact as he ducks down, quickly engulfing half the length and sucking slightly until Ryan’s head drops back and breathes out, ‘fuck.’

He pulls off, hurrying to run his tongue along it again before mouthing at the base and then slowly over Ryan’s balls, all the meanwhile his fingers stroke carefully against Ryan’s hips. Ryan’s own hands fist the covers as Brendon ducks down and takes almost the entire cock into his mouth.

He sucks slowly, tongue flicking on occasion, as Ryan moans heavily beneath him. Eventually a hand clamps into his hair and he expects to be pushed further down but instead he is pulled off and up Ryan’s chest until they are face to face.

Brendon is dragged into a kiss, Ryan’s hands both burying in his hair as his own hands slide up the grip at Ryan’s waist. Instead of being put off by the taste of himself in Brendon’s mouth, Ryan licks in further causing Brendon to groan in response.

His back is suddenly pressed against the mattress and he was too wrapped up in the feel of Ryan’s mouth against his to notice being slowly rolled over so Ryan is now perched atop him. It’s a wonderful view.

Their lips hover over each other, watching. ‘Hi.’ Ryan whispers and nudges his nose against Brendon’s, grinning.

‘Hi.’ Brendon whispers back, biting his lip and trying not to smile too widely.

Their lips lock again and Brendon hears Ryan fumbling in the bedside cabinet. There’s the pop of a cap and Ryan breaks away from the kiss, Brendon’s lips chasing after him before he can stop himself. Ryan glances down but Brendon’s eyes remain trailed on his high cheekbones and the slight pink blush hovering there.

Ryan’s honey eye glance back up into Brendon’s simultaneously with a slick, soft finger sliding down over his balls and rubbing over his entrance. As it pushes in slightly, Brendon sighs heavily and allows his eyelids to drop closed momentarily, taking in how much he’s missed being touched like this.

It’s so much better with Ryan.

Soon one finger turns to two and then three but all the while their eyes stay locked, watching. Ryan crooks his fingers slightly, eyes narrowing in his search, and then wow.

Brendon’s eyes snap closed as his back arches off the bed and presses himself against Ryan’s slight sweat slicked chest, almost screaming. His nails scrape down Ryan’s back and he doesn’t even remember putting his hands there.

‘Yeah,’ Brendon gasps as Ryan’s fingers keep scratching his prostate over and over, ‘yeah fuck.’

Ryan’s lips lift into a crooked smile as he leans down to whisper into Brendon’s ear, ‘yeah?’

Brendon swallows heavily, eyes sliding open into slits and watching Ryan beside him. ‘Yeah.’ He whispers and strokes a hand through Ryan’s damp, dark hair, small flicks sticking to his forehead already. The action is tender amongst the desperation of the others but it doesn’t feel wrong or out of place.

Ryan’s fingers slip out of him and Brendon’s eyes slide shut as he breathes heavily. He hears a tear and a pop just to the side of him and then Ryan’s heat is above him once again, nose nuzzling against his jaw.

Brendon strokes over the arm that Ryan is resting on at the side of his head and kisses his wrist, right over the ink like he has dreamt of doing for so long. This is actually happening.

This is actually happening.

The thought barely registers before Ryan is pushing in and Brendon’s head is pushing back against the pillow, revelling in the slight burn because he knows it’s only going to get better from here on but fuck Ryan is bigger than he looks if that is even possible.

He can’t separate the groans both he and Ryan emit, hot air dancing between the proximity of their mouths.

Brendon can feel Ryan all over him, in him, around him and through a fuzzy mind he labels it as home. Where he’s supposed to be. But Ryan isn’t moving yet, clearly waiting for some sign from Brendon so he moves his hand from where it’s clenched in the sheets and strokes it over Ryan’s ass, up along the sharp bumps of his spine and into his hair while he presses another kiss to Ryan’s wrist before smiling and opening his eyes, peering at Ryan.

Ryan leans down and presses one soft kiss to Brendon’s mouth as he slowly moves one of Brendon’s legs to wrap around his waist, getting more comfortable.

He slowly drags out and then snaps his hips forward again, gasping against Brendon’s neck. He laughs almost disbelievingly as Brendon whines above him, needing more. ‘You’re so tight.’ He whispers but it sounds almost like he wants to say something else.

Ryan starts up a steady rhythm, working both his hips and his mouth against Brendon’s, who keeps up with small thrusts of his own, bringing Ryan in deeper. He sighs quietly pecking Ryan’s lips. They’re both breathing heavily as Brendon brings his hand back across Ryan’s spine. He grasps Ryan’s ass and squeezes slightly, just feeling, but it makes Ryan groan and shift back into the touch, changing the angle.

Brendon arches up again, moaning loudly, and pushes his mouth against Ryan’s again but not missing the small mischievous sparkle in his eye. As Ryan’s hips speed up, pounding his cock harder and faster into Brendon, Brendon’s hand tightens on Ryan’s ass and their tongues work more frantically together.

The noises Brendon makes turn from moans and groans into a stream of curses, all muffled by Ryan’s mouth. Ryan’s own noises turn more frantic, occasionally gasping a quite ‘Bren’.

His hand slides up Brendon’s side, runs over his shoulder, his collarbones and back down before closing around Brendon’s cock, bringing a whole new type of pleasure and, fuck, it’s never been like this before. He’s never needed it this much, never felt like this.

All too soon he feels the familiar coil of heat in his stomach and he desperately tries to push it away but with Ryan’s forehead resting against his own now, watching, eyes connected, it only keeps building and building.

He tries to choke out a warning but it comes out as more of a mess of expletives and stutters yet Ryan seems to understand, going even harder and deeper, pressing his lips to Brendon’s cheek as he moans loudly.

And then he feels it, all the pleasure exploding inside his body his a gasped ‘Ryan’ but instead of his limbs tensing and stretching out like usual, he only curls closer to Ryan, wraps his limbs around him and presses a moan to his wet neck as his body shakes, white dripping over Ryan’s knuckles and splattering over both their stomachs. 

Brendon barely feels Ryan spilling into the condom inside him, barely hears the ‘fuck Bren, fuck, fuck’ though it’s breathed into his ear. What he does notice is the way Ryan’s body shakes with his and the way his honey eyes stay locked with Brendon’s.

He touches their lips together softly, letting them work together, tasting and testing. Ryan’s hand comes up to cup Brendon’s face as he breathes heavily, thumb stroking over his cheek. He carefully pulls out, sitting up momentarily to tug the condom off, tie it and throw it into the bin with surprisingly good aim.

Then he’s lying right next to Brendon again, wrapping an arm tightly around his waist and pulling until Brendon is curled against his chest, hands resting against Ryan’s neck while their breath mixes, legs tangle.

All Brendon remembers before falling asleep is Ryan’s soft smile and how his eyes looked golden, how his skin felt golden against Brendon’s own.

\- - -

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Brendon sighs. Bathes in the warmth and snuggles closer. He nuzzles the skin in front of him and inhales slowly. It’s familiar and comforting so he tightens his hold.

His mind, fuzzy, awakens slowly and runs through the events of the night previous. The gold behind his eyelids slowly starts to fade, along with his smile, and his arms loosen around Ryan. He chews on his lip, refusing his eyes permission to open and confirm what he fears.

He presses a hazy, soft kiss to Ryan’s back and then another to his shoulder before he rolls over and away, dropping his legs over the side of the bed and sitting, head buried in his hands.

He fucked up.

Ryan doesn’t want him. Ryan was drunk and horny and Brendon let it happen. Let his feelings take over even though he knows that as soon as Ryan awakens that small peaceful smile on his face will be gone and Brendon, along with his feelings, will be crushed.

He friendship with Ryan is over now. He knows that. The best he can do is leave Ryan to rest in oblivion. Allow Ryan to walk out of his life to same way he walked in: silently.

Brendon picks himself up off the bed, his clothes from their strewn locations around the house, his heart from the floor and leaves with his mind still intact.

Even if everything else is broken.

\- - -

His feet hammer against the pavement in rhythm with the rain.

He nears the familiar green building, hurries inside and hears the soft click of the door shutting behind him as he shakes his hair out.

‘Not in here Urie!’ Shane calls out from behind the till so Brendon strides over and shakes it in his face instead. ‘Fucker!’ Shane laughs as he ducks down under the counter.

‘I need coffee Valdes.’ Brendon says rubbing his hands together with a small smile.

‘I don’t know.’ Is the reply he gets, to which he frowns. ‘Strict orders from Jon man.’

Brendon sighs. For the last week Jon’s been on his back about everything. He knows it because Jon’s upset that Brendon won’t talk to him about why he’s been acting differently for the past week. He doesn’t want to affect Jon and Spencer’s relationship with his own stupid problems.

He wonders if Spencer knows.

‘It’s cool.’ Brendon says but Shane takes a long look at him and starts putting together an extra special Brendon Urie style hot chocolate, something Shane had come up with after Brendon demanded a drink be named after him for his dedication to him.

‘On the house.’ Shane says with a sad smile as he slides it over the counter. Obviously Brendon isn’t hiding it well enough.

‘Thanks.’ Brendon replies and then he’s out the door and into the rain once again.

Halfway home Brendon hears somebody calling out his name. His footsteps pause and he raises his head, glancing around.

‘Brendon!’ He hears again and he swivels around. Spencer jogs over to him, feet smacking against the concrete.

‘Spencer…’ Brendon replies as the man comes to a stop in front of him, both getting drenched in the water still pouring down from the sky.

‘I just wanted to remind you that it’s the SAS official opening on Friday. I know you finished all your hours so you don’t technically have to come but it-‘

‘Ill be there Spencer.’ Brendon cuts him off with a small smile.

‘Good. Awesome. Yeah.’ Spencer laughs, obviously relieved for some reason. ‘Um. You should know that.’ He clears his throat.

‘That?’

‘Ryan is performing for the opening.’ Spencer rushes out and watched Brendon with wide eyes.

The rain pounds against the ground harder and in the distance a car’s horn blares, pedestrians hurrying across the street with umbrellas shielding them.

‘So you know.’ Brendon says calmly. Of course Ryan told Spencer. Why wouldn’t he? It meant nothing to him. Just a fling.

Spencer nods cautiously. ‘You should talk to him.’ And then before Brendon has the chance to reply he’s off down the street, fighting against the rain.

\- - -

A timid knock rouses Brendon from his nap. He rolls onto his back and wipes a weary hand over his face, sighing. He pulls the covers up, ensuring they cover his crotch, and calls out ‘yeah?’

The door creaks open and Jon’s face peeks around the edge, watching Brendon carefully. ‘Can I come in?’ He asks and bites his lip. He’s hesitant and it makes Brendon feel bad, they used to be able to talk about anything.

‘Sure.’ Brendon says with what he hopes is a reassuring smile. Regardless, Jon nods and steps inside, shuffles over to the bed and sits next to Brendon, back pressed against the headboard and head tipped towards the ceiling. It’s the same way Ryan was sat before they kissed but he soon pushes that thought away.

Brendon breathes slowly into the silence and watches Jon’s blank face.

‘Are you okay?’ Jon enquires eventually, genuine concern in all his features. Brendon just clears his throat and stares at the covers. Is he?

‘No.’ He murmurs eventually and then he feels Jon’s arms embrace him, strong and sure, just how like he missed so desperately. He clings back like Jon is his lifeline and wishes he could have fallen in love with Jon instead, things would be so much simpler. But he couldn’t do that to Spencer.

The next thing Brendon knows they are curled up in bed together, Jon still holding him securely to him while he breathes deeply. He smiles sadly against Jon’s chest and sings quietly to himself, Jon joining in after a few lines.

‘I slept with him.’ Brendon breathes into the quiet, still air after their voices had faded away. The breeze blows steadily in through the propped open bedroom and rustles the papers on the desk and the steady light from the moon shines onto their covered bodies, Jon’s arms still securely embracing Brendon like they always will. Supporting him because that’s what best friends do.

‘Okay.’ Jon whispers and they sleep.

\- - -

The gardens look great. So it’s in celebration as they crack open a bottle of champagne, William cradled in an already drunk Gabe’s arms, Frank and Gerard discreetly holding hands behind their backs with huge smiles, Joe spraying the foam over Mikey and Sisky as Pete and even Patrick laugh along in the background.

Brendon watches the scene in front of him with a soft smile and notices Greta doing the same from the rose garden. He waves and she raises a pretend champagne glass in recognition.

‘Alright little buddy?’ Jon says, swinging an arm over his shoulders.

‘Yeah.’ Brendon says and he is. He has everything planned out. ‘Where’s Spencer?’

‘Helping Ryan set up.’ Jon replies and Brendon nods. He’s ready for this. He knows he is. ‘You ready?’

‘I hope so. I only get one shot at this you know.’ He laughs nervously, trying to thin of anything but the fact that in only an hour he’d be declaring his undying love for a man he has been avoiding for a week after a one-night stand.

Jon eyes him worriedly but before he can offer any comfort Ryan’s voice carries over the microphone.

‘Hey. So um. I’m Ryan. I own this place,’ he says with a shy smile, ‘these guys have been working on Scientiam A Sapientibus for the last month or so and they’ve done a really amazing job. I haven’t had the chance to get to know them all personally but from what I’ve seen they’re all awesome guys. They don’t give up, even when the Atlantic Ocean is pouring from the sky. And it means a lot to me what they’ve done here, not just for me but for everyone. So thanks.’ He smiles again, awkwardly and modestly this time in response to the quiet applause and Brendon is reminded of what he loves about this idiot.

Spencer jogs up the steps onto the patio being used as a stage and hands Ryan his guitar, receiving a quick half hug and whispering encouraging words before disappearing again.

Ryan breathes out slowly and audibly into the microphone and starts to play.

Brendon feels his heart stop and his eyes become glued to Ryan’s hunched form.

Everybody listens.

\- - -

As soon as the show finishes, Brendon pounces (with some encouragement from Jon in the form of shoving him in the right direction). He stumbles over and grabs Ryan’s arms after noticing the way he immediately tensed when approached.

‘Can we talk? Great.’ Brendon says, swallowing heavily, and drags a clearly reluctant Ryan over to a more private location amongst the trees. He releases his hold and turns to look him in the face, taking in the face he learnt do well in the past month and missed so much in the last week.

Seeing Ryan play had shown him in a completely different light. He’d always been quiet and contemplative but performing in front of all those people had made him look vulnerable in a way that Brendon never would have expected. The way he played like he was sharing his darkest secrets, his heart, his entire being with everyone present made Brendon question why he chose to hide behind a persona, why he didn’t do live shows when he was clearly born for the stage.

Brendon swallows heavily, eyes sweeping over Ryan’s tousled, dark hair, over his slightly parted lips before locking onto the honey eyes and there he is again. Falling even further just from one glance.

He breathes.

‘I’m leaving.’

What? That wasn’t what Brendon meant to say? But then he realises it wasn’t him that spoke: it was Ryan. And his distorted view sinks away and he sees properly the way Ryan’s usually vibrant caramel eyes are dull, lifeless. The way his shoulder are hunched and his skin is paler than ever and the way his hands shake as they come up to brush hair from his face. Brendon’s eyes avert, instead looking to the side where his friends remain oblivious, happy.

Upon Brendon’s silence Ryan elaborates, in that perfect monotone Brendon is so familiar with, ‘To New York. For recording the new album. I don’t know if I’ll be back.’

But all Brendon hears is a faint buzz, eyes still locked with Ryan’s, his heart jumping at the way he said if, not when. If. Like Ryan wouldn’t return. As if he’d leave Brendon broken and bruised and alone.

Maybe exactly how Brendon left him that morning. Waking up to an empty bed, no note, nothing, nothing to reassure him the night before was real. And then a week of silence. Like that little bubble of happiness they created wasn’t real. Like everything could be taken away, lost, that easily. Like it was temporary.

When Brendon looks back Ryan is gone.

Like he was temporary too.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise for any typos but this has been my baby for a while now. I want to thank Faye for being Faye and basically coming up with the storyline because I am terribly indecisive. I realise you might hate me because of the ending but let's just say maybe this isn't the absolute end.


End file.
